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Answers

Is my low libido caused by childhood experiences?

\"\"Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.\"\"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.
Published
Updated
Reviewed

Content note: Some readers may find parts of this discussion sensitive.

Summary

\"A

A young man wonders whether anxiety about childhood experiences could explain low libido and erectile difficulties now affecting his relationship. He is seeking reassurance and guidance about where to begin.

The response raises emotional explanations as possibilities while emphasizing that physical causes should not be ruled out.

It recommends a medical assessment followed, where appropriate, by mental health support, and notes that medication effects and communication with a partner also deserve consideration.

?

Question

Reader · Identity withheld

I am a 19 year old male, who really needs some support and guidance. When I was around 6-8 years old I played \"sex games\" with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable.

We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how.

\n

When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward.

\n

Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that 'sex games' is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me.

It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship.

\"\"

Answer

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality.

It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other.

\nWithout knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help:\n
    \n
  1. I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences.
    2. \n
  2. I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not).
    3. \n
  3. Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido.
    4. \n
  4. We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems.
    5. \n
\nSome suggestions:\n
Show moreShow less
    \n
  1. You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem.
    2. \n
  2. If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality.
    3. \n
\nIf you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life.\n

It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her.

\n

Best of luck.

Subject matter expert

\"\"

Holly Schiff Psy.D.

Children, adolescents, and families

View profile
\"\"
Author

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.

\"\"
Medical reviewer

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…

\"\"

Related community

Lifespan Development

Explore growth, transitions, and mental health through the different stages of life.

Related questions

Can you have Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) since childhood with no memory of trauma?Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?Will I ever feel normal?
","text":"Home Answers Is my low libido caused by childhood experiences? AnswersIs my low libido caused by childhood experiences? Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 10, 2025 Updated August 26, 2025 Reviewed September 15, 2025 Content note: Some readers may find parts of this discussion sensitive. SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A young man wonders whether anxiety about childhood experiences could explain low libido and erectile difficulties now affecting his relationship. He is seeking reassurance and guidance about where to begin. The response raises emotional explanations as possibilities while emphasizing that physical causes should not be ruled out. It recommends a medical assessment followed, where appropriate, by mental health support, and notes that medication effects and communication with a partner also deserve consideration. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld I am a 19 year old male, who really needs some support and guidance. When I was around 6-8 years old I played \"sex games\" with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable. We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how. When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward. Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that 'sex games' is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me. It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship. Answer Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality. It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other. Without knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help: I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences. I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not). Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido. We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems. Some suggestions: Show moreShow less You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem. If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality. If you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life. It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her. Best of luck. Subject matter expert Holly Schiff Psy.D. Children, adolescents, and families View profile AuthorAllan Schwartz, Ph.D. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience. Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… Related community Lifespan Development Explore growth, transitions, and mental health through the different stages of life. 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When I was around 6-8 years old I played \"sex games\" with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable. We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how. When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward. Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that 'sex games' is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me. It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#answer","text":"You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality. It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other. Without knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help: I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences. I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not). Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido. We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems. Some suggestions: You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem. If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality. If you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life. It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her. Best of luck.","author":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#webpage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue","name":"Is my low libido caused by childhood experiences?","description":"A young man wonders whether anxiety about childhood experiences could explain low libido and erectile difficulties now affecting his relationship.","inLanguage":"en-US","isPartOf":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers#webpage"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#breadcrumb"},"mainEntity":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#article"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"medicalAudience":{"@type":"MedicalAudience","audienceType":"General 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He is seeking reassurance and guidance about where to begin.","answer":"The response raises emotional explanations as possibilities while emphasizing that physical causes should not be ruled out. It recommends a medical assessment followed, where appropriate, by mental health support, and notes that medication effects and communication with a partner also deserve consideration."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#question","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#question","html":"

I am a 19 year old male, who really needs some support and guidance. When I was around 6-8 years old I played \"sex games\" with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable.

We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how.

\n

When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward.

\n

Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that 'sex games' is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me.

It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship.

","text":"I am a 19 year old male, who really needs some support and guidance. When I was around 6-8 years old I played \"sex games\" with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable. We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how. When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward. Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that 'sex games' is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me. It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship."},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue#answer","html":"

You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality.

It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other.

\nWithout knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help:\n
    \n
  1. I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences.
    2. \n
  2. I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not).
    3. \n
  3. Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido.
    4. \n
  4. We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems.
    5. \n
\nSome suggestions:\n
    \n
  1. You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem.
    2. \n
  2. If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality.
    3. \n
\nIf you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life.\n

It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her.

\n

Best of luck.

","text":"You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality. It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other. Without knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help: I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences. I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not). Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido. We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems. Some suggestions: You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem. If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality. If you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life. It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her. Best of luck.","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Is my low libido caused by childhood experiences?","description":"A young man wonders whether anxiety about childhood experiences could explain low libido and erectile difficulties now affecting his relationship.","canonical":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/alarming-childhood-issue","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Holly Schiff, Psy.D.","url":"/people/holly-schiff","profileId":"11457","topic":"children","focus":"Children, adolescents, and families","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[{"label":"Summary","href":"#summary"},{"label":"Question","href":"#question"},{"label":"Answer","href":"#answer"}],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/lifespan-development","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}