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Answers

Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her?

\"\"Written byMark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.\"\"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.
Published
Updated
Reviewed

Summary

\"Two

A reader asks whether a psychologist should disclose romantic attraction when a patient also feels attracted. The concern centers on maintaining the purpose and boundaries of therapy.

The response argues that the therapist should keep the focus on the patient’s emotional experience and should never act on attraction.

It distinguishes exploring the patient’s feelings therapeutically from turning the relationship into a social or romantic one through the therapist’s own disclosure.

?

Question

Reader · Identity withheld

Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way?

\"\"

Answer

Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.

This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles.  The generally accepted answer, which is also considered to be the ethically proper way to handle these situations, is for the therapist to not admit to any feelings of attraction, and most definitely not to ever, under any circumstances act on such feelings.

At the very least, a therapist should not dwell on any discussion of her own attraction, and refocus the patient towards exploring his own motives.

\n

Patients are not in therapy to socialize with their therapist (at least hopefully).  They are there to do therapy work, which means focusing on their inner emotional experience. 

\n

For a therapist to admit to attraction causes the focus of the patient’s experience to shift into a social mode where the patient is fantasizing about the two as a romantic pair. 

Better for the therapist to acknowledge the attraction if the patient wants to talk about it, and gently refocus the patient towards exploring where that attraction is coming from and why it is happening now.  That makes for a far better and far more therapeutic discussion for the patient as it helps the patient to become more aware of the motives behind their desires.

Subject matter expert

\"\"

Carlos Protzel Psy.D.

Integrative mental health care

View profile
\"\"
Author

Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.

Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D. is a trauma-informed psychologist with over 30 years of experience helping people navigate mental health challenges.

\"\"
Medical reviewer

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…

\"\"

Related community

Relationships

Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you.

Related questions

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","text":"Home Answers Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her? AnswersCan a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her? Written byMark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 19, 2025 Updated May 24, 2026 Reviewed September 15, 2025 SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A reader asks whether a psychologist should disclose romantic attraction when a patient also feels attracted. The concern centers on maintaining the purpose and boundaries of therapy. The response argues that the therapist should keep the focus on the patient’s emotional experience and should never act on attraction. It distinguishes exploring the patient’s feelings therapeutically from turning the relationship into a social or romantic one through the therapist’s own disclosure. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way? Answer Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D. This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles. The generally accepted answer, which is also considered to be the ethically proper way to handle these situations, is for the therapist to not admit to any feelings of attraction, and most definitely not to ever, under any circumstances act on such feelings. At the very least, a therapist should not dwell on any discussion of her own attraction, and refocus the patient towards exploring his own motives. Patients are not in therapy to socialize with their therapist (at least hopefully). They are there to do therapy work, which means focusing on their inner emotional experience. For a therapist to admit to attraction causes the focus of the patient’s experience to shift into a social mode where the patient is fantasizing about the two as a romantic pair. Better for the therapist to acknowledge the attraction if the patient wants to talk about it, and gently refocus the patient towards exploring where that attraction is coming from and why it is happening now. That makes for a far better and far more therapeutic discussion for the patient as it helps the patient to become more aware of the motives behind their desires. Subject matter expert Carlos Protzel Psy.D. Integrative mental health care View profile AuthorMark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D. Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D. is a trauma-informed psychologist with over 30 years of experience helping people navigate mental health challenges. Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… Related community Relationships Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you. Related questions How can I stop being attracted to men who don’t want me?What does it mean if I’m attracted to men and women?Why can’t I tell a lie?","wordCount":463},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/ef0116929ab5e08fca149d3d.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/ef0116929ab5e08fca149d3d.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Two adults seated apart in a bright counseling room."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/mark-dombeck#person","name":"Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/mark-dombeck","jobTitle":"Doctor","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/4248f6de508c9d830e0cf812.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-dombeck-phd-530a573/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her","headline":"Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her?","description":"A reader asks whether a psychologist should disclose romantic attraction when a patient also feels attracted.","wordCount":298,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/mark-dombeck#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#answer"}],"citation":[],"datePublished":"2025-06-19T20:32:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T16:02:39Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#question","name":"Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her?","text":"Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way?","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#answer","text":"This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles. 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Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way?

","text":"Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way?"},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her#answer","html":"

This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles.  The generally accepted answer, which is also considered to be the ethically proper way to handle these situations, is for the therapist to not admit to any feelings of attraction, and most definitely not to ever, under any circumstances act on such feelings.

At the very least, a therapist should not dwell on any discussion of her own attraction, and refocus the patient towards exploring his own motives.

\n

Patients are not in therapy to socialize with their therapist (at least hopefully).  They are there to do therapy work, which means focusing on their inner emotional experience. 

\n

For a therapist to admit to attraction causes the focus of the patient’s experience to shift into a social mode where the patient is fantasizing about the two as a romantic pair. 

Better for the therapist to acknowledge the attraction if the patient wants to talk about it, and gently refocus the patient towards exploring where that attraction is coming from and why it is happening now.  That makes for a far better and far more therapeutic discussion for the patient as it helps the patient to become more aware of the motives behind their desires.

","text":"This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles. The generally accepted answer, which is also considered to be the ethically proper way to handle these situations, is for the therapist to not admit to any feelings of attraction, and most definitely not to ever, under any circumstances act on such feelings. At the very least, a therapist should not dwell on any discussion of her own attraction, and refocus the patient towards exploring his own motives. Patients are not in therapy to socialize with their therapist (at least hopefully). They are there to do therapy work, which means focusing on their inner emotional experience. For a therapist to admit to attraction causes the focus of the patient’s experience to shift into a social mode where the patient is fantasizing about the two as a romantic pair. Better for the therapist to acknowledge the attraction if the patient wants to talk about it, and gently refocus the patient towards exploring where that attraction is coming from and why it is happening now. That makes for a far better and far more therapeutic discussion for the patient as it helps the patient to become more aware of the motives behind their desires.","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/mark-dombeck#person","name":"Mark Vigil Dombeck, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/mark-dombeck"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Can a psychologist express attraction to a patient?","description":"A reader asks whether a psychologist should disclose romantic attraction when a patient also feels attracted.","canonical":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/can-a-psychologist-tell-his-patient-that-he-is-attracted-to-her","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[{"label":"Summary","href":"#summary"},{"label":"Question","href":"#question"},{"label":"Answer","href":"#answer"}],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/relationships","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}