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Summary
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A parent describes an adult son’s long history of substance use, repeated treatment episodes, and suicidal thoughts. The family fears for his survival and asks about intensive care they might be able to afford.
The response acknowledges the family’s distress and the difficulty of securing treatment for an adult who must participate in recovery.
It discusses emergency help during an acute crisis and exploring public or charitable rehabilitation programs as possible avenues, while presenting eligibility and affordability as matters to investigate rather than guaranteed access.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldI have a 33-year-old son who struggles with serious mental health issues and daily drug abuse. Since he was 18, he has been in and out of hospitals and rehab programs. Currently, he lives in Oklahoma with his mother and sisters.
\nHe is on the brink of suicide but feels unable to stop himself. We are desperate and don’t know where to turn for help.
\nHe has gone to emergency rooms expressing suicidal thoughts and says he wants to quit drugs because he feels like a burden to us and to society, but he just can’t stop. He needs long-term, intensive help.
\nHis drug of choice is cough syrup, which he easily steals from stores. He drinks two or three bottles at a time to get high. His mother has even gone around town showing his picture to store managers to warn them, but he hasn’t been caught yet. We don’t want him to get arrested, but we are more afraid of losing him to suicide.
\nWe are not wealthy and cannot afford expensive treatment facilities. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on what steps we can take next? I truly believe he won’t survive the year without serious help. We need urgent guidance.
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Answer
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.Your plea and your worry come through loud and clear. However, you face a number of daunting hurdles as you already know. The biggest hurdle is the fact that you son is an adult.
As an adult he is entitled to make his own choices in life and no one can stop him. You are correct that if he is caught stealing he can be arrested. That has not yet happened.
\nYou do mention that he has “mental problems.” I am not sure what you are labelling as a “mental problem but it is curious that after going to hospital emergency rooms for suicidal thoughts and wishes nothing seems to happen.
\nIt is curious because hospital emergency rooms take suicide very seriously. Yet, it seems he is not admitted to the hospital or transferred to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation and recommendation. I find that to be very baffling.
\nOf course, it is possible that he is held in the emergency room until the effects of the cough syrup wear off and he is then discharged. Evidently, the medical staff do not uncover any underlying psychiatric problem or they do not bother to go any further than holding him for a few hours.
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One option is this: You report that you son is now living with your wife and his sister. One thing they can do is call 911 if he is drugged and out of control while in the house. Because his physical and mental condition are unstable while under the influence, it would make sense to call 911 because of the alarm everyone experiences at home.
\nAnother option might be to do some research on the Internet in order to find drug rehab programs run by the state in which he lives. Usually, a person is arrested first and then remanded by the court to one of the state run facilities but there are other possibilities.
\nOn the Internet, go to this URL: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Under this government program there are state drug programs funded by the U.S. Government under SAMSHA. SAMSHA deals with substance abuse and the mentally. Your son may qualify for grant money under SAMSHA that will allow him to get the help he needs.
\nAn additional option is for him to contact the Salvation Army. They run a six month residential drug rehab program. This is more than affordable as, if I am correct, the residents, as part of their recovery, work for the residence when they are ready and able.
\nPlease understand that all of this can be presented to your son as very real options for his recovery. Also understand that this is something he can do, if he truly wants to recover. That is the problem: he must want to recover.
\nGood luck in your efforts on behalf of your son.
Subject matter expert
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Clinical psychology and community mental health care
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