{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion","path":"/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion","title":"How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A parent worries that their four-year-old son laughs when others are hurt and shows little compassion or remorse.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"public","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion","wordpressId":"6139","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:16:40Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"
Answers

How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son?

\"\"Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.\"\"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.
Published
Updated
Reviewed

Summary

\"A

A parent worries that their four-year-old son laughs when others are hurt and shows little compassion or remorse. They ask what this behavior means and how to respond.

The response frames the child's behavior in the context of early development rather than assigning a psychological label.

It emphasizes patience, modeling kindness within the family, calmly explaining how actions affect others, and supervising interactions with other children.

The answer favors consistent guidance over yelling or punishment and notes that children learn by observing the adults around them.

?

Question

Reader · Identity withheld

My son laughs when a person gets hurt and smiles when someone is crying. He just does not show much remorse or compassion to others his age or especially to me. What is this called and what can I do?

\"\"

Answer

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

Hi Mom,

\n

The very first thing you can do is to stop worrying. Your son is only four years old. There is no word to fix onto your son other than he is four years old. Oh, yes, I said that already (smile).

\n

Please do not misunderstand me. It is good that you are an alert and caring parent. You just need to be more patient and understanding.

\n

At four years of age children have a very little idea about things like compassion. That’s because they tend to be focused on their selves. It’s kind of like telling him to “act his age.” Well, he is.

\n

However, what is most important for a parent to do is to behave in the ways you eventually want him to do. Children imitate the behaviors of their parents. They closely watch us, carefully observe everything we do, including how we treat other people.

Therefore, its important for you and your husband to show compassion and love to one another, as well as to him. Oh, this is why its important for kids to be shielded from violent television shows, including cartoons. They learn all the wrong messages from those things.

\n
Show moreShow less

What you can also do is to calmly explain to him that he “should not laugh when Mommy gets hurt because it makes her feel bad.” He may not really know what you mean right now but it gets stored in his brain and will take hold. However, if you yell and punish him he will only remember being punished.

\n

One more thing: Little children such as your son can be very aggressive towards each other. That is why parents need to be there supervising. They get themselves into situations where they need adults to calm things down and explain why they have to act nice, even if little “Johnny” was being unfare.

\n

Please be patient with your son and do not make him into a psychological case.

\n

Best of Luck

Subject matter expert

\"\"

Dana Vince, LPC

Relationships and marriage counseling

View profile
\"\"
Author

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.

\"\"
Medical reviewer

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…

\"\"

Related community

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Connect around family relationships, shared experiences, and well-being at home.

Related questions

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","text":"Home Answers How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son? AnswersHow do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son? Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 1, 2024 Updated May 24, 2026 Reviewed September 15, 2025 SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A parent worries that their four-year-old son laughs when others are hurt and shows little compassion or remorse. They ask what this behavior means and how to respond. The response frames the child's behavior in the context of early development rather than assigning a psychological label. It emphasizes patience, modeling kindness within the family, calmly explaining how actions affect others, and supervising interactions with other children. The answer favors consistent guidance over yelling or punishment and notes that children learn by observing the adults around them. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld My son laughs when a person gets hurt and smiles when someone is crying. He just does not show much remorse or compassion to others his age or especially to me. What is this called and what can I do? Answer Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. Hi Mom, The very first thing you can do is to stop worrying. Your son is only four years old. There is no word to fix onto your son other than he is four years old. Oh, yes, I said that already (smile). Please do not misunderstand me. It is good that you are an alert and caring parent. You just need to be more patient and understanding. At four years of age children have a very little idea about things like compassion. That’s because they tend to be focused on their selves. It’s kind of like telling him to “act his age.” Well, he is. However, what is most important for a parent to do is to behave in the ways you eventually want him to do. Children imitate the behaviors of their parents. They closely watch us, carefully observe everything we do, including how we treat other people. Therefore, its important for you and your husband to show compassion and love to one another, as well as to him. Oh, this is why its important for kids to be shielded from violent television shows, including cartoons. They learn all the wrong messages from those things. Show moreShow less What you can also do is to calmly explain to him that he “should not laugh when Mommy gets hurt because it makes her feel bad.” He may not really know what you mean right now but it gets stored in his brain and will take hold. However, if you yell and punish him he will only remember being punished. One more thing: Little children such as your son can be very aggressive towards each other. That is why parents need to be there supervising. They get themselves into situations where they need adults to calm things down and explain why they have to act nice, even if little “Johnny” was being unfare. Please be patient with your son and do not make him into a psychological case. Best of Luck Subject matter expert Dana Vince, LPC Relationships and marriage counseling View profile AuthorAllan Schwartz, Ph.D. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience. Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… Related community Family Health Connect around family relationships, shared experiences, and well-being at home. Related questions What should I do about my 19-year-old daughter’s anger issues?How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?How do I handle a four-year-old boy who keeps spitting?","wordCount":612},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/dd6aa5516693db2e68503956.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/dd6aa5516693db2e68503956.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"A parent and young child watering seedlings by a window."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","jobTitle":"LCSW, Ph.D.","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg","memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion","headline":"How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son?","description":"A parent worries that their four-year-old son laughs when others are hurt and shows little compassion or remorse.","wordCount":454,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#answer"}],"about":{"@type":"Thing","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/lifespan-development#topic","name":"Lifespan Development"},"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:16:40Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#question","name":"How do I encourage compassion in my 4-year-old son?","text":"My son laughs when a person gets hurt and smiles when someone is crying. 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It’s kind of like telling him to “act his age.” Well, he is. However, what is most important for a parent to do is to behave in the ways you eventually want him to do. Children imitate the behaviors of their parents. They closely watch us, carefully observe everything we do, including how we treat other people. Therefore, its important for you and your husband to show compassion and love to one another, as well as to him. Oh, this is why its important for kids to be shielded from violent television shows, including cartoons. They learn all the wrong messages from those things. What you can also do is to calmly explain to him that he “should not laugh when Mommy gets hurt because it makes her feel bad.” He may not really know what you mean right now but it gets stored in his brain and will take hold. However, if you yell and punish him he will only remember being punished. One more thing: Little children such as your son can be very aggressive towards each other. That is why parents need to be there supervising. They get themselves into situations where they need adults to calm things down and explain why they have to act nice, even if little “Johnny” was being unfare. Please be patient with your son and do not make him into a psychological case. 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My son laughs when a person gets hurt and smiles when someone is crying. He just does not show much remorse or compassion to others his age or especially to me. What is this called and what can I do?

","text":"My son laughs when a person gets hurt and smiles when someone is crying. He just does not show much remorse or compassion to others his age or especially to me. What is this called and what can I do?"},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/how-do-i-help-my-4-year-old-son-show-compasion#answer","html":"

Hi Mom,

\n

The very first thing you can do is to stop worrying. Your son is only four years old. There is no word to fix onto your son other than he is four years old. Oh, yes, I said that already (smile).

\n

Please do not misunderstand me. It is good that you are an alert and caring parent. You just need to be more patient and understanding.

\n

At four years of age children have a very little idea about things like compassion. That’s because they tend to be focused on their selves. It’s kind of like telling him to “act his age.” Well, he is.

\n

However, what is most important for a parent to do is to behave in the ways you eventually want him to do. Children imitate the behaviors of their parents. They closely watch us, carefully observe everything we do, including how we treat other people.

Therefore, its important for you and your husband to show compassion and love to one another, as well as to him. Oh, this is why its important for kids to be shielded from violent television shows, including cartoons. They learn all the wrong messages from those things.

\n

What you can also do is to calmly explain to him that he “should not laugh when Mommy gets hurt because it makes her feel bad.” He may not really know what you mean right now but it gets stored in his brain and will take hold. However, if you yell and punish him he will only remember being punished.

\n

One more thing: Little children such as your son can be very aggressive towards each other. That is why parents need to be there supervising. They get themselves into situations where they need adults to calm things down and explain why they have to act nice, even if little “Johnny” was being unfare.

\n

Please be patient with your son and do not make him into a psychological case.

\n

Best of Luck

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