{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","path":"/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","title":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"public","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","wordpressId":"6147","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\" class=\"breadcrumbs\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a><h1>Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Ann Landers</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z\">May 24, 2026</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav aria-label=\"Answer navigation\" class=\"answer-nav\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#summary\" aria-current=\"location\">Summary</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question\">Question</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\" class=\"prose\" data-answer-thread=\"\" id=\"article-content\"><section aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\" class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img alt=\"Two adults talking over coffee at an outdoor cafe.\" fetchpriority=\"high\" height=\"667\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/be59679e7fa9411e14bfbb18.webp\" width=\"1000\" decoding=\"auto\"></figure><p>A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable.</p><p>The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise.</p><p>It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary.</p><p>The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section aria-labelledby=\"question-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\"><div aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy.</p>\n<p>When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them.</p>\n<p>He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t.</p>\n<p>My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time.</p>\n<p>But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time.</p>\n<p>Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.</p></div></section><section aria-labelledby=\"response-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\"><a aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\" class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"44\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Ann Landers</span></header><p>Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him?</p>\n<p>Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible.</p>\n<p>This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties.</p>\n<p>Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/navigating-boundaries-in-romantic-relationships\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">compromise</a> on how much time he spends with her.</p>\n<p>And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship.</p>\n<p>Good luck,<br>– Anne</p></div></section></div></div><section aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" class=\"article-expert article-expert-inline\" data-expert-kind=\"related\" data-expert-layout=\"standard\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><div class=\"article-expert-identity\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/8e1ee0ec187d4c3ff0be4ad3.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\">Carlos Protzel <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2></div><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Integrative mental health care</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\">View experience</a></section></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\" aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\">Ann Landers</a></h2><p>Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\">View experience</a></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\" aria-label=\"View Jesse Hanson, Ph.D. profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p><a class=\"profile-experience-link experience-button\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\">View experience</a></div></section><section aria-label=\"Related community\" class=\"article-topic-community article-topic-community-end\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"topic-community-banner\" height=\"633\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/785fd7ff3dc1e8ee0699077b.webp\" width=\"1200\" decoding=\"async\" srcset=\"/assets/responsive/1552911e6628c44f0fe01066.webp 800w, /assets/optimized/785fd7ff3dc1e8ee0699077b.webp 1200w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 961px) 236px, calc(100vw - 80px)\"><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related community</p><h2>Marriage</h2><p>A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life.</p><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/marriage\">Explore community</a></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/trying-to-save-37-years-of-marriage-with-my-bipolar-husband\">How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/slobby-husband\">How do I deal with a slobby husband?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/should-i-stay-with-a-lying-husband\">Should I stay with a lying husband?</a></section></div></div>","text":"Home Answers Is my husband’s secretary too close to him? AnswersIs my husband’s secretary too close to him? Written byAnn LandersMedically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 1, 2024 Updated May 24, 2026 Reviewed September 15, 2025 SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable. The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise. It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary. The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own. Answer Ann Landers Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne Subject matter expert Carlos Protzel Psy.D. Integrative mental health care View experience AuthorAnn Landers Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide. View experience Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… View experience Related community Marriage A space for perspectives on partnership, communication, and the changing experiences of married life. Explore community Related questions How can I save my 37-year marriage with my bipolar husband?How do I deal with a slobby husband?Should I stay with a lying husband?","wordCount":642},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/be59679e7fa9411e14bfbb18.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/be59679e7fa9411e14bfbb18.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Two adults talking over coffee at an outdoor cafe."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","jobTitle":"Writer (In remembrance)","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg","memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","headline":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","wordCount":486,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"}],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:12Z","dateModified":"2026-05-24T20:26:37Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","text":"Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","text":"Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne","author":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#webpage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","name":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","inLanguage":"en-US","isPartOf":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers#webpage"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#breadcrumb"},"mainEntity":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#article"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"medicalAudience":{"@type":"MedicalAudience","audienceType":"General 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and after-hours events. She asks whether wanting protected time together is unreasonable.","answer":"The response regards her concerns about the husband's behavior as legitimate and emphasizes that marriage requires mutual attention and compromise. It encourages clearly explaining how the situation affects her, holding to those concerns if they are dismissed, and negotiating limits on time spent with the secretary. The answer says a concern affecting one partner also deserves attention within the relationship."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#question","html":"<p>Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy.</p>\n<p>When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them.</p>\n<p>He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t.</p>\n<p>My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time.</p>\n<p>But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time.</p>\n<p>Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.</p>","text":"Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. She would rather attend with my husband and have me stay home, because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us, I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am expected to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own."},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close#answer","html":"<p>Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him?</p>\n<p>Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible.</p>\n<p>This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties.</p>\n<p>Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/navigating-boundaries-in-romantic-relationships\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">compromise</a> on how much time he spends with her.</p>\n<p>And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship.</p>\n<p>Good luck,<br>– Anne</p>","text":"Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention, and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if he doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship. It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Is my husband’s secretary too close to him? | MentalHealth.com","description":"A wife feels excluded by the amount of time her husband spends with his secretary, including lunches and after-hours events.","canonical":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/husbands-secretary-too-close","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[{"label":"Summary","href":"#summary"},{"label":"Question","href":"#question"},{"label":"Answer","href":"#answer"}],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/marriage","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}