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Answers

How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend?

\"\"Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D.\"\"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D.
Published
Updated
Reviewed

Summary

\"An

A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location. Constant reassurance has not resolved the conflict.

The response argues that the reader cannot change a partner through reassurance or marriage and that meaningful change would require the girlfriend’s own willingness to seek therapy.

It describes the restrictions as unrealistic and urges careful reflection before marrying, presenting the possibility of ending the relationship as a serious consideration rather than a certain forecast.

?

Question

Reader · Identity withheld

Dear Dr.Schwartz,

\n

Please give me some advice on how to save my relationship with my overly jealous girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I can’t keep a job if my co-workers are females and I engage in any type of conversation with them, even if it is job related.

\n

Beyond that, we cannot go out together in public as every time we pass what would be considered an attractive person she is glaring at me to see if I am looking at them. Even if I am not she will accuse me of it anyway.

For example, I was walking down the hallway of the hospital she works at with her and a woman. She was walking up the same hallway towards us directly in front of me and she instantly accused me of looking at her. When I asked her where I should look she said the ground.

\n

I am constantly reassuring her of my feelings for her and my love for her but nothing gets through. I have even offered to take a polygraph as to whether or not I ever cheated or if I am even looking at these women. She says I am. Unfortunately, it has brow beaten me so bad that I am no longer tolerant of it and get argumentative now.

\n
Show moreShow less

I don’t know what else I can do. I have let her run a program that allows her to view all my phone calls and read all my texts whether deleted or not as well as follow me on GPS when I leave the house. I have given her complete access to my facebook account from which I have deleted all females except family.

\n

I am hoping your advice is not to walk away as I truly love this girl and want to ask her to marry me. Aside from the jealousy she is a great girlfriend and when these issues don’t rise up we get along great. I also understand that these are valid feelings she is having even if they are not real….please help me.

\"\"

Answer

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

I understand that you do not want me to tell you to break off the relationship with your girlfriend. However, this is something you must be thinking about or you would not bring it up.

\n

It’s important for everyone to understand that, in an intimate relationship, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, no one can change another person whether they marry that person or not. This is the way your girlfriend is and this is what you will have to live with if you marry her.

\n

There is no use to you of trying to reassure her of your faithfulness. Her thoughts and feelings are irrational. In fact, the more you try to prove your faithfulness, the more suspicious becomes.

\n

This is the way it will always be unless she decides to go to therapy. However, she would have to make that decision and she would have to want to change. Her thinking is very jealous, bordering on paranoid and I am doubtful she will be able to change in time to prevent this relationship from splitting up.

\n

The fact is that men and women find each other attractive and look at one another in passing. That is quite normal. It is unrealistic for her to tell you to look down every time you see a female. It’s not going to happen nor should it happen.

\n

You need to be aware that paranoia and jealously are relationship destroyers. You are already getting impatient with her and that is understandable. Think very careful about whether it’s wise for the two of you to marry. Do you want a life time of being accused of being unfaithful?

\n

Remember, you brought up the issue of breaking up with her and not me.  I strongly suspect that ending this relationship is something you are seriously thinking about and who could blame you?

\n

Good Luck

Subject matter expert

\"\"

Carlos Protzel Psy.D.

Integrative mental health care

View experience
\"\"

Related community

Relationships

Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you.

Explore community
\"\"
Author

Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience.

View experience
\"\"
Medical reviewer

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.

Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…

View experience

Related questions

Why is he so jealous?Why does my boyfriend still have pictures of his ex-girlfriend?Is it wrong to be a masochist?
","text":"Home Answers How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend? Answers How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend? Written by Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. Medically reviewed by Jesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 1, 2024 Updated June 5, 2026 Reviewed September 15, 2025 Summary Question Answer Summary A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location. Constant reassurance has not resolved the conflict. The response argues that the reader cannot change a partner through reassurance or marriage and that meaningful change would require the girlfriend’s own willingness to seek therapy. It describes the restrictions as unrealistic and urges careful reflection before marrying, presenting the possibility of ending the relationship as a serious consideration rather than a certain forecast. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld Dear Dr.Schwartz, Please give me some advice on how to save my relationship with my overly jealous girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I can’t keep a job if my co-workers are females and I engage in any type of conversation with them, even if it is job related. Beyond that, we cannot go out together in public as every time we pass what would be considered an attractive person she is glaring at me to see if I am looking at them. Even if I am not she will accuse me of it anyway. For example, I was walking down the hallway of the hospital she works at with her and a woman. She was walking up the same hallway towards us directly in front of me and she instantly accused me of looking at her. When I asked her where I should look she said the ground. I am constantly reassuring her of my feelings for her and my love for her but nothing gets through. I have even offered to take a polygraph as to whether or not I ever cheated or if I am even looking at these women. She says I am. Unfortunately, it has brow beaten me so bad that I am no longer tolerant of it and get argumentative now. Show more Show less I don’t know what else I can do. I have let her run a program that allows her to view all my phone calls and read all my texts whether deleted or not as well as follow me on GPS when I leave the house. I have given her complete access to my facebook account from which I have deleted all females except family. I am hoping your advice is not to walk away as I truly love this girl and want to ask her to marry me. Aside from the jealousy she is a great girlfriend and when these issues don’t rise up we get along great. I also understand that these are valid feelings she is having even if they are not real….please help me. Answer Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. I understand that you do not want me to tell you to break off the relationship with your girlfriend. However, this is something you must be thinking about or you would not bring it up. It’s important for everyone to understand that, in an intimate relationship, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, no one can change another person whether they marry that person or not. This is the way your girlfriend is and this is what you will have to live with if you marry her. There is no use to you of trying to reassure her of your faithfulness. Her thoughts and feelings are irrational. In fact, the more you try to prove your faithfulness, the more suspicious becomes. This is the way it will always be unless she decides to go to therapy . However, she would have to make that decision and she would have to want to change. Her thinking is very jealous, bordering on paranoid and I am doubtful she will be able to change in time to prevent this relationship from splitting up. The fact is that men and women find each other attractive and look at one another in passing. That is quite normal. It is unrealistic for her to tell you to look down every time you see a female. It’s not going to happen nor should it happen. You need to be aware that paranoia and jealously are relationship destroyers. You are already getting impatient with her and that is understandable. Think very careful about whether it’s wise for the two of you to marry. Do you want a life time of being accused of being unfaithful? Remember, you brought up the issue of breaking up with her and not me. I strongly suspect that ending this relationship is something you are seriously thinking about and who could blame you? Good Luck Subject matter expert Carlos Protzel Psy.D. Integrative mental health care View experience Related community Relationships Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you. Explore community Author Allan Schwartz, Ph.D. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 30 years of private practice experience. View experience Medical reviewer Jesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… View experience Related questions Why is he so jealous? Why does my boyfriend still have pictures of his ex-girlfriend? Is it wrong to be a masochist?","wordCount":907},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/d6922354bc706844f9abb329.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/d6922354bc706844f9abb329.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"An adult pauses beside an open door with a phone set aside."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","jobTitle":"LCSW, Ph.D.","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend","headline":"How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend?","description":"A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location.","wordCount":752,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer"}],"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:14Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T14:53:26Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question","name":"How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend?","text":"Dear Dr.Schwartz, Please give me some advice on how to save my relationship with my overly jealous girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I can’t keep a job if my co-workers are females and I engage in any type of conversation with them, even if it is job related. Beyond that, we cannot go out together in public as every time we pass what would be considered an attractive person she is glaring at me to see if I am looking at them. Even if I am not she will accuse me of it anyway. For example, I was walking down the hallway of the hospital she works at with her and a woman. She was walking up the same hallway towards us directly in front of me and she instantly accused me of looking at her. When I asked her where I should look she said the ground. I am constantly reassuring her of my feelings for her and my love for her but nothing gets through. I have even offered to take a polygraph as to whether or not I ever cheated or if I am even looking at these women. She says I am. Unfortunately, it has brow beaten me so bad that I am no longer tolerant of it and get argumentative now. I don’t know what else I can do. I have let her run a program that allows her to view all my phone calls and read all my texts whether deleted or not as well as follow me on GPS when I leave the house. I have given her complete access to my facebook account from which I have deleted all females except family. I am hoping your advice is not to walk away as I truly love this girl and want to ask her to marry me. Aside from the jealousy she is a great girlfriend and when these issues don’t rise up we get along great. I also understand that these are valid feelings she is having even if they are not real….please help me.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer","text":"I understand that you do not want me to tell you to break off the relationship with your girlfriend. However, this is something you must be thinking about or you would not bring it up. It’s important for everyone to understand that, in an intimate relationship, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, no one can change another person whether they marry that person or not. This is the way your girlfriend is and this is what you will have to live with if you marry her. There is no use to you of trying to reassure her of your faithfulness. Her thoughts and feelings are irrational. In fact, the more you try to prove your faithfulness, the more suspicious becomes. This is the way it will always be unless she decides to go to therapy. However, she would have to make that decision and she would have to want to change. Her thinking is very jealous, bordering on paranoid and I am doubtful she will be able to change in time to prevent this relationship from splitting up. The fact is that men and women find each other attractive and look at one another in passing. That is quite normal. It is unrealistic for her to tell you to look down every time you see a female. It’s not going to happen nor should it happen. You need to be aware that paranoia and jealously are relationship destroyers. You are already getting impatient with her and that is understandable. Think very careful about whether it’s wise for the two of you to marry. Do you want a life time of being accused of being unfaithful? Remember, you brought up the issue of breaking up with her and not me. I strongly suspect that ending this relationship is something you are seriously thinking about and who could blame you? Good Luck","author":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#webpage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend","name":"How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend?","description":"A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location.","inLanguage":"en-US","isPartOf":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers#webpage"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#breadcrumb"},"mainEntity":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#article"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"medicalAudience":{"@type":"MedicalAudience","audienceType":"General public"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#primaryimage"},"reviewedBy":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person"},"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:14Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T14:53:26Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"}]},"representations":{"html":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend","json":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/answers/jealous-girlfriend.json","jsonLd":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/answers/jealous-girlfriend.ld.json"},"$schema":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/page.schema.json","images":[{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3f1145a76c69b3ca318ecb8b.jpg","alt":"","width":40,"height":40},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","alt":"","width":40,"height":40},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/d6922354bc706844f9abb329.webp","alt":"An adult pauses beside an open door with a phone set aside.","width":1000,"height":667},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/8e1ee0ec187d4c3ff0be4ad3.jpg","alt":"","width":64,"height":64},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp","alt":"","width":48,"height":48}],"sections":[{"id":"summary-title","title":"Summary","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#summary-title"},{"id":"question-person","title":"Question","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question-person"},{"id":"response-person","title":"Answer","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#response-person"}],"references":[],"relatedReading":[],"links":[{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","label":"Home"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers","label":"Answers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers","label":"Answers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","label":"Written byAllan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/psychotherapy","label":"go to therapy"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel","label":"Carlos Protzel Psy.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships","label":"Explore community"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","label":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":"View experience"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/why-is-he-so-jealous-even-of-my-own-brothers","label":"Why is he so jealous?"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/my-boyfriend-saved-pictures-of-his-ex-girlfriend-on-his-computer","label":"Why does my boyfriend still have pictures of his ex-girlfriend?"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/is-it-okay-to-be-a-masochist","label":"Is it wrong to be a masochist?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location. Constant reassurance has not resolved the conflict.","answer":"The response argues that the reader cannot change a partner through reassurance or marriage and that meaningful change would require the girlfriend’s own willingness to seek therapy. It describes the restrictions as unrealistic and urges careful reflection before marrying, presenting the possibility of ending the relationship as a serious consideration rather than a certain forecast."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#question","html":"

Dear Dr.Schwartz,

\n

Please give me some advice on how to save my relationship with my overly jealous girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I can’t keep a job if my co-workers are females and I engage in any type of conversation with them, even if it is job related.

\n

Beyond that, we cannot go out together in public as every time we pass what would be considered an attractive person she is glaring at me to see if I am looking at them. Even if I am not she will accuse me of it anyway.

For example, I was walking down the hallway of the hospital she works at with her and a woman. She was walking up the same hallway towards us directly in front of me and she instantly accused me of looking at her. When I asked her where I should look she said the ground.

\n

I am constantly reassuring her of my feelings for her and my love for her but nothing gets through. I have even offered to take a polygraph as to whether or not I ever cheated or if I am even looking at these women. She says I am. Unfortunately, it has brow beaten me so bad that I am no longer tolerant of it and get argumentative now.

\n

I don’t know what else I can do. I have let her run a program that allows her to view all my phone calls and read all my texts whether deleted or not as well as follow me on GPS when I leave the house. I have given her complete access to my facebook account from which I have deleted all females except family.

\n

I am hoping your advice is not to walk away as I truly love this girl and want to ask her to marry me. Aside from the jealousy she is a great girlfriend and when these issues don’t rise up we get along great. I also understand that these are valid feelings she is having even if they are not real….please help me.

","text":"Dear Dr.Schwartz, Please give me some advice on how to save my relationship with my overly jealous girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I can’t keep a job if my co-workers are females and I engage in any type of conversation with them, even if it is job related. Beyond that, we cannot go out together in public as every time we pass what would be considered an attractive person she is glaring at me to see if I am looking at them. Even if I am not she will accuse me of it anyway. For example, I was walking down the hallway of the hospital she works at with her and a woman. She was walking up the same hallway towards us directly in front of me and she instantly accused me of looking at her. When I asked her where I should look she said the ground. I am constantly reassuring her of my feelings for her and my love for her but nothing gets through. I have even offered to take a polygraph as to whether or not I ever cheated or if I am even looking at these women. She says I am. Unfortunately, it has brow beaten me so bad that I am no longer tolerant of it and get argumentative now. I don’t know what else I can do. I have let her run a program that allows her to view all my phone calls and read all my texts whether deleted or not as well as follow me on GPS when I leave the house. I have given her complete access to my facebook account from which I have deleted all females except family. I am hoping your advice is not to walk away as I truly love this girl and want to ask her to marry me. Aside from the jealousy she is a great girlfriend and when these issues don’t rise up we get along great. I also understand that these are valid feelings she is having even if they are not real….please help me."},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend#answer","html":"

I understand that you do not want me to tell you to break off the relationship with your girlfriend. However, this is something you must be thinking about or you would not bring it up.

\n

It’s important for everyone to understand that, in an intimate relationship, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, no one can change another person whether they marry that person or not. This is the way your girlfriend is and this is what you will have to live with if you marry her.

\n

There is no use to you of trying to reassure her of your faithfulness. Her thoughts and feelings are irrational. In fact, the more you try to prove your faithfulness, the more suspicious becomes.

\n

This is the way it will always be unless she decides to go to therapy. However, she would have to make that decision and she would have to want to change. Her thinking is very jealous, bordering on paranoid and I am doubtful she will be able to change in time to prevent this relationship from splitting up.

\n

The fact is that men and women find each other attractive and look at one another in passing. That is quite normal. It is unrealistic for her to tell you to look down every time you see a female. It’s not going to happen nor should it happen.

\n

You need to be aware that paranoia and jealously are relationship destroyers. You are already getting impatient with her and that is understandable. Think very careful about whether it’s wise for the two of you to marry. Do you want a life time of being accused of being unfaithful?

\n

Remember, you brought up the issue of breaking up with her and not me.  I strongly suspect that ending this relationship is something you are seriously thinking about and who could blame you?

\n

Good Luck

","text":"I understand that you do not want me to tell you to break off the relationship with your girlfriend. However, this is something you must be thinking about or you would not bring it up. It’s important for everyone to understand that, in an intimate relationship, “what you see is what you get.” In other words, no one can change another person whether they marry that person or not. This is the way your girlfriend is and this is what you will have to live with if you marry her. There is no use to you of trying to reassure her of your faithfulness. Her thoughts and feelings are irrational. In fact, the more you try to prove your faithfulness, the more suspicious becomes. This is the way it will always be unless she decides to go to therapy. However, she would have to make that decision and she would have to want to change. Her thinking is very jealous, bordering on paranoid and I am doubtful she will be able to change in time to prevent this relationship from splitting up. The fact is that men and women find each other attractive and look at one another in passing. That is quite normal. It is unrealistic for her to tell you to look down every time you see a female. It’s not going to happen nor should it happen. You need to be aware that paranoia and jealously are relationship destroyers. You are already getting impatient with her and that is understandable. Think very careful about whether it’s wise for the two of you to marry. Do you want a life time of being accused of being unfaithful? Remember, you brought up the issue of breaking up with her and not me. I strongly suspect that ending this relationship is something you are seriously thinking about and who could blame you? Good Luck","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz#person","name":"Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/allan-schwartz"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"How do I deal with a jealous girlfriend? | MentalHealth.com","description":"A reader wants to preserve a relationship despite a girlfriend’s intense jealousy, accusations, and monitoring of messages and location.","canonical":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/jealous-girlfriend","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/relationships","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}