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Summary
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A reader’s boyfriend has ended their relationship over conflict involving his adult daughter and grandchildren. Shared property and debts, with no apparent provision for the reader, add financial worries.
The response frames the family dynamics as a question of compatibility rather than deciding whether the reader is jealous or whether the father’s support is wrong.
Because the relationship has ended and ownership obligations are unclear, it recommends consulting an attorney about the reader’s specific circumstances; it does not establish what legal rights exist.
Question
Reader · Identity withheldMy boyfriend of two years left me because he felt I was too jealous of his daughter. She is 25 years old with 2 children. She rarely works and is on state assistance saying she cannot find a job.
\nHe pays around $900 dollars per month of her bills. Among the bills he pays for her are bankruptcy, utilities, cell phones, etc. We own property together and vehicles together.
\nHowever, all of his life insurance and his home is left to his daughter with no provision for me to pay our debts if something were to happen to him. When the grandchildren come they hit me with pillows and order me to the sofa and it doesn't seem to bother him.
\nAm I jealous or in a bad relationship?
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Answer
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.Only you can know if you feel jealous or not. However, it is my opinion that you are in a bad relationship. More than that, you seem to have made some serious errors.
\nIt is never wise to jointly purchase propery, cars and other expensive items outside of marriage. If the two of you were married and divorcing, the judge at the divorce hearings, would divide the property and bills so that neither one of you are left with the full financial responsibility for all that the two of you bought.
\nThe fact that you and your boyfriend are not married complicates the property situation very greatly. Of course, a lot may depend on the state in which you live. There are a few states where “common law marriage” still exists. That means that if two people live together for the required amount of time in that state, the law recognizes them as married. I do not know which states continue to have that provision.
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Your problem is the question of whether or not the two of you have legal claims (for the property and cars and loans) against each other. Only a judge in a court of law can determine that.
\nAs for his daughter and grandchildren, it is always extremely difficult to be in a relationship in which one partner is involved in that way. Some people are able to cope with the situation and others are not. No one can judge the rightness or wrongness of a father paying the bills of an adult child.
\nNo one can judge the rightness or wrongness of how a grandfather handles his grandchildren when they come to visit. It is for these reasons that it is difficult to enter a relationship when children or grandchildren are present.
\nIt is not unusual for the new partner who has no children to become jealous when their lover has sons, daughters and grandchildren. You have to know yourself because there is no right or wrong here either. If you find it impossible to cope with this man’s adult daughter and her children then its the wrong relationship for you.
\nYou report the relationship is over and that means that you need to consult an attorney to learn whether or not you have any claims against this man for the cars, properties and bills. That is my opinion.
\nGood luck to you
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