{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","path":"/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","title":"Why have I never had a boyfriend?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"public","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","wordpressId":"6249","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T09:50:48Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\" class=\"breadcrumbs\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Why have I never had a boyfriend?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a><h1>Why have I never had a boyfriend?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Ann Landers</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2026-06-05T09:50:48Z\">June 5, 2026</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav aria-label=\"Answer navigation\" class=\"answer-nav\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#summary\" aria-current=\"location\">Summary</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question\">Question</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\" class=\"prose\" data-answer-thread=\"\" id=\"article-content\"><section aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\" class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img alt=\"Adults planting seedlings together in a community garden\" fetchpriority=\"high\" height=\"667\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/060c31e250a60cbbd591f439.webp\" width=\"1000\" decoding=\"auto\"></figure><p>A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating. She wants companionship without lowering her expectations for a relationship.</p><p>The answer encourages her to keep her standards and avoid entering a relationship simply to stop feeling left out.</p><p>It suggests taking a more active and creative approach to meeting people who share her interests, including community groups and activities, while allowing time rather than rushing.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section aria-labelledby=\"question-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\"><div aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality.</p>\n<p>Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it.</p>\n<p>I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me.</p>\n<p>Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it.</p></div></section><section aria-labelledby=\"response-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\"><a aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\" class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"44\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Ann Landers</span></header><p>While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/building-intimacy-when-dating\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">intimate relationships</a> that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. </p><p>This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex.</p>\n<p>It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road.</p>\n<p>There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you.</p>\n<details class=\"answer-long-text\"><summary><span class=\"answer-read-more\">Show more</span><span class=\"answer-read-less\">Show less</span></summary><p>They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? </p>\n<p>Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter.</p>\n<p>Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? </p><p>At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men?</p>\n<p>Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it.</p>\n<p>This will work out in time.</p></details></div></section></div></div><section aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" class=\"article-expert article-expert-inline\" data-expert-kind=\"related\" data-expert-layout=\"standard\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><div class=\"article-expert-identity\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Carlos Protzel  Psy.D.\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/8e1ee0ec187d4c3ff0be4ad3.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\">Carlos Protzel <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2></div><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Integrative mental health care</p><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\" class=\"quiet-button\">View profile</a></section></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\" aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\">Ann Landers</a></h2><p>Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.</p></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\" aria-label=\"View Jesse Hanson, Ph.D. profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p></div></section><section aria-label=\"Related community\" class=\"article-topic-community article-topic-community-end\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Relationships\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"topic-community-banner\" height=\"675\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp\" width=\"1200\" decoding=\"async\" srcset=\"/assets/responsive/648af61e83da2426fce724bd.webp 800w, /assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp 1200w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 961px) 236px, calc(100vw - 80px)\"></a><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related community</p><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships\">Relationships</a></h2><p>Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you.</p></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/will-my-boyfriend-eventually-hit-me\">Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/wife-of-21-years-has-a-boyfriend\">Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/why-does-my-wifes-old-boyfriend-bother-me\">Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?</a></section></div></div>","text":"Home Answers Why have I never had a boyfriend? AnswersWhy have I never had a boyfriend? Written byAnn LandersMedically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 1, 2024 Updated June 5, 2026 Reviewed September 15, 2025 SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating. She wants companionship without lowering her expectations for a relationship. The answer encourages her to keep her standards and avoid entering a relationship simply to stop feeling left out. It suggests taking a more active and creative approach to meeting people who share her interests, including community groups and activities, while allowing time rather than rushing. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality. Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it. I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me. Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it. Answer Ann Landers While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form intimate relationships that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex. It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road. There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you. Show moreShow less They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter. Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men? Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it. This will work out in time. Subject matter expert Carlos Protzel Psy.D. Integrative mental health care View profile AuthorAnn Landers Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide. Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… Related community Relationships Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you. Related questions Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?","wordCount":795},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Why have I never had a boyfriend?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/060c31e250a60cbbd591f439.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/060c31e250a60cbbd591f439.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Adults planting seedlings together in a community garden"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","jobTitle":"Writer (In remembrance)","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg","memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","headline":"Why have I never had a boyfriend?","description":"A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating.","wordCount":648,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer"}],"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T09:50:48Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question","name":"Why have I never had a boyfriend?","text":"I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality. Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it. I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me. Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer","text":"While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form intimate relationships that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex. It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road. There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you. They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter. Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men? Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it. This will work out in time.","author":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#webpage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","name":"Why have I never had a boyfriend?","description":"A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating.","inLanguage":"en-US","isPartOf":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers#webpage"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#breadcrumb"},"mainEntity":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#article"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"medicalAudience":{"@type":"MedicalAudience","audienceType":"General public"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#primaryimage"},"reviewedBy":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person"},"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:15Z","dateModified":"2026-06-05T09:50:48Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"}]},"representations":{"html":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","json":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend.json","jsonLd":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend.ld.json"},"$schema":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/data/page.schema.json","images":[{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg","alt":"","width":40,"height":40},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","alt":"","width":40,"height":40},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/060c31e250a60cbbd591f439.webp","alt":"Adults planting seedlings together in a community garden","width":1000,"height":667},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/8e1ee0ec187d4c3ff0be4ad3.jpg","alt":"","width":64,"height":64},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp","alt":"","width":1200,"height":675}],"sections":[{"id":"summary-title","title":"Summary","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#summary-title"},{"id":"question-person","title":"Question","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question-person"},{"id":"response-person","title":"Answer","level":2,"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#response-person"}],"references":[],"relatedReading":[],"links":[{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","label":"Home"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers","label":"Answers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers","label":"Answers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","label":"Written byAnn Landers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Medically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#summary","label":"Summary"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question","label":"Question"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer","label":"Answer"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/building-intimacy-when-dating","label":"intimate relationships"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel","label":"Carlos Protzel Psy.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel","label":"View profile"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","label":"Ann Landers"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","label":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D."},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships","label":""},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships","label":"Relationships"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/will-my-boyfriend-eventually-hit-me","label":"Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/wife-of-21-years-has-a-boyfriend","label":"Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?"},{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/why-does-my-wifes-old-boyfriend-bother-me","label":"Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?"}],"conversation":{"status":"complete","summary":{"question":"A 21-year-old woman has never had a boyfriend and is puzzled by attention that seems limited to sex rather than dating. She wants companionship without lowering her expectations for a relationship.","answer":"The answer encourages her to keep her standards and avoid entering a relationship simply to stop feeling left out. It suggests taking a more active and creative approach to meeting people who share her interests, including community groups and activities, while allowing time rather than rushing."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#question","html":"<p>I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality.</p>\n<p>Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it.</p>\n<p>I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me.</p>\n<p>Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it.</p>","text":"I am currently 21 years of age and I have never officially had a boyfriend in my entire life. Me and my friends are stumped about this. I am attractive and have a great personality. Some of the guy friends that I have had in the past have tried to well frankly put get in my pants and I have always discouraged them after that. Its like the only thing they want from me is to get in my pants and thats it. I have never been asked out on a date, yet everyone tells me that I am so nice and have a great sense of humor. What I don’t understand is what is wrong with me that guys don’t seem interested in dating me. Could you please help me? This has been plaguing me since well high school. I would really appreciate it."},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/never-had-a-boyfriend#answer","html":"<p>While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/building-intimacy-when-dating\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">intimate relationships</a> that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. </p><p>This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex.</p>\n<p>It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road.</p>\n<p>There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you.</p>\n<details class=\"answer-long-text\"><p>They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? </p>\n<p>Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter.</p>\n<p>Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? </p><p>At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men?</p>\n<p>Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it.</p>\n<p>This will work out in time.</p></details>","text":"While most men (and women for that matter) are highly motivated by desire for sex, some are able to go beyond that basic desire and form intimate relationships that include sex but aren’t limited by it, while others are not. This is especially true with young men (and women), as they are inexperienced, juiced on puberty hormones and the vigor of youth and have in many cases not yet realized that sex in the context of love is a far better thing than just plain old sex. It doesn’t sound like you’re lacking for opportunities actually, if you are turning male attention down on a regular basis. Rather, you are holding yourself (and your suitors) to a high standard, and it seems that many of these boys are not seeing that they’ll get a good return on investment if they hang around while you discourage them. The high road can be a lonely road. There are boys out there who want what you want, but perhaps you’re not noticing them, or hanging around them or encouraging them to approach you. They might be more shy types, for one thing. They might also lack courage to approach you (especially if you are usually socially engaged with girlfriends). Are you open to such men, or are you only making yourself available to more shallow-but-bold types? Take some time to think this question through please: Sometimes we act in ways that are against what we really want to achieve simply because we lack the courage of our convictions, or the creativity to see solutions that haven’t been handed to us on a platter. Are you passively waiting around for men to approach you or are you taking charge of your situation by actively searching out the type of boy who would be healthy for you to become involved with? Where do you meet guys, for example? At a bar or party where people are looking to “see and be seen” — or in some sort of setting (like a club, volunteer group, religious group, etc.) where you’re likely to meet someone who actually shares your interests? Have you thought about using the Internet to meet men? Be creative and active, is what I’m saying, and don’t be in a rush. Take my word for it. You do not want to be in a relationship just because you feel like a loser without one. Being in a bad relationship is about a million times worse than being without one. And don’t worry about it. This will work out in time.","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"I’m 21 and have never had a boyfriend. 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