{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","path":"/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","title":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","family":"Answers detail","description":"A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"public","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","wordpressId":"6307","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}],"reviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"dates":{"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z","dateModified":"2025-09-07T07:15:11Z","lastReviewed":"2025-09-15"},"content":{"html":"<nav aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\" class=\"breadcrumbs\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page answer-page\" data-answer-template=\"conversation\"><header class=\"answer-heading article-heading\"><a class=\"answer-back\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers\">Answers</a><h1>Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?</h1><div class=\"answer-credits\"><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Written by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Ann Landers</span></span></a><a class=\"answer-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"40\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"40\" decoding=\"async\"><span><span class=\"answer-credit-role\">Medically reviewed by</span><span class=\"answer-credit-name\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</span></span></a></div><dl class=\"answer-heading-dates\"><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z\">June 1, 2024</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-07T07:15:11Z\">September 7, 2025</time></dd></div><div><dt>Reviewed</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-09-15\">September 15, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></header><nav aria-label=\"Answer navigation\" class=\"answer-nav\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#summary\" aria-current=\"location\">Summary</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question\">Question</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer\">Answer</a></nav><article aria-label=\"Reader question and professional response\" class=\"prose\" data-answer-thread=\"\" id=\"article-content\"><section aria-labelledby=\"summary-title\" class=\"answer-overview\" id=\"summary\"><h2 id=\"summary-title\">Summary</h2><figure class=\"answer-question-image\"><img alt=\"Two people talking on a shaded porch.\" fetchpriority=\"high\" height=\"667\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/ab9c1899afaa1b0b74977c5f.webp\" width=\"1000\" decoding=\"auto\"></figure><p>A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems. They feel uncomfortable and want to restore the closeness they previously shared.</p><p>The response notes that <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relationship-challenges\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"355\">relationship problems</a> are difficult to resolve when one person refuses discussion.</p><p>It suggests asking what is behind the partner's accusations and communicating the reader's own feelings and need to address disagreements, emphasizing that persistent discomfort is a concern in a loving relationship.</p></section><div class=\"answer-originals\" id=\"original-conversation\"><div class=\"answer-originals-body\"><section aria-labelledby=\"question-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-question\" id=\"question\"><div aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"answer-avatar answer-reader\">?</div><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"question-person\">Question</h2><span>Reader · Identity withheld</span></header><p>My best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. </p><p>Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. </p>\n<p>If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help.</p></div></section><section aria-labelledby=\"response-person\" class=\"answer-post answer-response\" id=\"answer\"><a aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\" class=\"answer-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"44\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"44\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div class=\"answer-post-content\"><header class=\"answer-person\"><h2 id=\"response-person\">Answer</h2><span>Ann Landers</span></header><p>It’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. </p><p>You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relational-communication\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">Let him know how you are feeling</a>, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne</p></div></section></div></div><section aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" class=\"article-expert article-expert-inline\" data-expert-kind=\"related\" data-expert-layout=\"standard\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><div class=\"article-expert-identity\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Carlos Protzel  Psy.D.\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/8e1ee0ec187d4c3ff0be4ad3.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\">Carlos Protzel <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2></div><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Integrative mental health care</p><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/carlos-protzel\" class=\"quiet-button\">View profile</a></section></article><div class=\"answer-endmatter\"><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\" aria-label=\"View Ann Landers profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Author</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers\">Ann Landers</a></h2><p>Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide.</p></div></section><section class=\"answer-author-card answer-reviewer-card\"><a class=\"answer-card-avatar\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\" aria-label=\"View Jesse Hanson, Ph.D. profile\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><span class=\"answer-reviewer-label\">Medical reviewer</span><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson\">Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.</a></h2><p>Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body…</p></div></section><section aria-label=\"Related community\" class=\"article-topic-community article-topic-community-end\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Relationships\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"topic-community-banner\" height=\"675\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp\" width=\"1200\" decoding=\"async\" srcset=\"/assets/responsive/648af61e83da2426fce724bd.webp 800w, /assets/optimized/1c570f0bba9d0bc34f6deadd.webp 1200w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 961px) 236px, calc(100vw - 80px)\"></a><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related community</p><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/relationships\">Relationships</a></h2><p>Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you.</p></section><section class=\"answer-related\"><h2>Related questions</h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/will-my-boyfriend-eventually-hit-me\">Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/wife-of-21-years-has-a-boyfriend\">Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?</a><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/why-does-my-wifes-old-boyfriend-bother-me\">Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?</a></section></div></div>","text":"Home Answers Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend? AnswersWhy do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend? Written byAnn LandersMedically reviewed byJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Published June 1, 2024 Updated September 7, 2025 Reviewed September 15, 2025 SummaryQuestionAnswer Summary A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems. They feel uncomfortable and want to restore the closeness they previously shared. The response notes that relationship problems are difficult to resolve when one person refuses discussion. It suggests asking what is behind the partner's accusations and communicating the reader's own feelings and need to address disagreements, emphasizing that persistent discomfort is a concern in a loving relationship. ? Question Reader · Identity withheld My best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help. Answer Ann Landers It’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. Let him know how you are feeling, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne Subject matter expert Carlos Protzel Psy.D. Integrative mental health care View profile AuthorAnn Landers Ann Landers was the leading advice columnist for 47 years, with her widely syndicated columns reaching 90 million readers worldwide. Medical reviewerJesse Hanson, Ph.D. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a clinical and somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience in neuropsychology, specializing in integrative, mind-body… Related community Relationships Connect around communication, closeness, boundaries, and the relationships that matter to you. Related questions Will my boyfriend eventually hit me?Why does my wife of 21 years have a boyfriend?Why does my wife’s old boyfriend bother me?","wordCount":438},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Answers","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/ab9c1899afaa1b0b74977c5f.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/ab9c1899afaa1b0b74977c5f.webp","width":1000,"height":667,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"Two people talking on a shaded porch."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers","jobTitle":"Writer (In remembrance)","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/80b8e1a76768e1ea081ddaf9.jpg","memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson","jobTitle":"Clinical Affairs Director","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/73305651cb93afbdebb69a9a.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-hanson-phd-7215216/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/clinical-affairs#department"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/leadership#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","headline":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","description":"A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems.","wordCount":292,"mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#webpage"},"publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"},"articleSection":"Answers","inLanguage":"en-US","author":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"}],"image":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#primaryimage"},"hasPart":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question"},{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer"}],"citation":[],"datePublished":"2024-06-01T00:35:16Z","dateModified":"2025-09-07T07:15:11Z"},{"@type":"Question","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question","name":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","text":"My best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help.","acceptedAnswer":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question","answerCount":1},{"@type":"Answer","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer","text":"It’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. Let him know how you are feeling, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne","author":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person"},"inLanguage":"en-US","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer"},{"@type":"MedicalWebPage","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#webpage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","name":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","description":"A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss 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but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems. They feel uncomfortable and want to restore the closeness they previously shared.","answer":"The response notes that relationship problems are difficult to resolve when one person refuses discussion. It suggests asking what is behind the partner's accusations and communicating the reader's own feelings and need to address disagreements, emphasizing that persistent discomfort is a concern in a loving relationship."},"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","sourceReviewer":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson#person","name":"Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/jesse-hanson"},"question":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#question","html":"<p>My best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. </p><p>Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. </p>\n<p>If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help.</p>","text":"My best friend and I were getting really close, and then we wound up kissing. I was really happy, because I am in love with him, and have been for 3 years. Lately, he’s been seeming ‘not into it,’ and he’s been incredibly rude to me. He’s been accusing me of trying to avoid him, and telling me that I have been rude to him, when in fact I haven’t been doing anything differently. I just want things to be the same, and I will do anything to get them back. Now I just feel uncomfortable. If I try to talk to him about any of our falling-outs, he starts screaming at me and tells me to stop asking him about it. Help."},"answer":{"id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend#answer","html":"<p>It’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. </p><p>You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relational-communication\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">Let him know how you are feeling</a>, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne</p>","text":"It’s difficult to get things resolved when one of you doesn’t want to discuss certain issues. When your boyfriend accuses you of trying to avoid him, ask him why he feels that way, and how he would like that to change. You should not feel uncomfortable in a loving relationship. Let him know how you are feeling, and explain to him that it is very important to you that you discuss these issues or else things will not get resolved and may only get worse. Hope that helps, – Anne","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers#person","name":"Ann Landers","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/anne-landers"}},"summaryScope":"Editorial overview of the original question and response; original review dates apply to the source conversation."},"presentation":{"updatedAt":"2026-10-03","template":"answer-conversation","imageGeneratedAt":"2026-10-03"},"seo":{"title":"Why do I feel uncomfortable around my boyfriend?","description":"A reader's close friendship has become romantic, but their partner now makes accusations and shouts when they try to discuss problems.","canonical":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/answers/uncomfortable-around-my-boyfriend","robots":"index,follow","socialImage":{"url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/f7d19272dd5d30590dddbab9.png","width":1200,"height":630,"alt":"MentalHealth.com — Answers","type":"image/png","sitemapGroup":"answers"}},"subjectMatterExpert":{"name":"Carlos Protzel, Psy.D.","url":"/people/carlos-protzel","profileId":"13151","topic":"wellbeing","focus":"Integrative mental health care","selectionBasis":"Documented expertise in the existing published profile","reviewAttribution":false},"navigation":[{"label":"Summary","href":"#summary"},{"label":"Question","href":"#question"},{"label":"Answer","href":"#answer"}],"relatedCommunity":{"community":"/community/relationships","basis":"topic match"},"collections":[]}