{"formatVersion":"1.1","id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another","path":"/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another","title":"Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics","family":"Library detail","description":"Learn about the toxic dynamic of one spouse as the parent and the other as the child in a marriage. Discover tips to change and improve the relationship.","language":"en-US","access":{"audience":"public","indexable":true},"provenance":{"sourceUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another","wordpressId":"6002","contentCompleteness":"complete","dateScope":"original-source"},"authors":[{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman#person","name":"Marina Edelman","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman"}],"dates":{"datePublished":"2010-10-19T04:00:00Z","dateModified":"2025-08-27T10:44:29Z"},"content":{"html":"<nav aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\" class=\"breadcrumbs\"><ol><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/\">Home</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library\">Library</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relationships\">Relationships</a></li><li><span aria-current=\"page\">Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics</span></li></ol></nav><div class=\"article-page article-standard\" data-library-standard=\"\"><div class=\"article-main-grid\"><header class=\"article-heading\"><h1>Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics</h1><p class=\"article-inline-credits\">Written by <a class=\"article-credit-person\" href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"22\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3587a7729f78ac15e318f3a7.jpg\" width=\"22\" decoding=\"async\">Marina Edelman</a></p><div class=\"article-dates\"><span>Published on <time datetime=\"2010-10-19T04:00:00Z\">October 19, 2010</time></span><span aria-hidden=\"true\"> · </span><span>Updated on <time datetime=\"2025-08-27T10:44:29Z\">August 27, 2025</time></span></div></header><div class=\"article-jumpbar\"></div><div class=\"article-layout\"><div class=\"article-reading\"><article class=\"prose\" id=\"article-content\"><h2 id=\"recognizing-parent-child-roles-between-partners\">Recognizing parent-child roles between partners</h2><p>Recently Courtney Cox and David Arquette have been in the news announcing their separation. David went on the Howard Stern’s radio show to discuss the demise of his marriage. What came out of the interview is David admitting to taking on the child role in their marriage and Courtney becoming tired of being the mother.</p><p>This dynamic is unfortunately very common in marriages and becomes toxic overtime if behavior is not changed. To get a better idea about the dynamic watch some past episodes of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”. In essence one spouse assumes the parent position while the other spouse assumes the child position. </p><p>The “parent” partner typically nags, prods, controls, dictates, scolds, and makes most of the decisions. The “parent” can be emasculating at times and cause the “child” partner to harbor resentment. The “child” in turn can be rebellious, immature, passive-aggressive, and irresponsible. I work with many couples every week that portray this dysfunctional pattern.</p><h2 id=\"the-effect-on-intimacy-and-everyday-interactions\">The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions</h2><p><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/the-dance-of-intimacy-and-autonomy\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"359\">Intimacy</a> is the first thing to usually go because nobody wants to be intimate with their parent. Nagging and irresponsibility are not sexy traits. Second is <a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relational-communication\" class=\"article-inline-link\" data-context-link=\"358\">communication</a> on a mature intimate level ceases and instead gets replaced with more of a business language. </p><p>One spouse asks another to do something and then follows up to see if it was done. The one assigned the task usualy doesn’t complete the task on purpose and the cycle continues.</p><figure class=\"article-feature\"><img alt=\"A father and child sit together on the floor at home.\" decoding=\"async\" height=\"800\" loading=\"eager\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/02f12d8b84ff95b3b10ce768.webp\" width=\"1199\" srcset=\"/assets/responsive/629bc1804b5ff17a437e973d.webp 800w, /assets/optimized/02f12d8b84ff95b3b10ce768.webp 1199w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 1199px\"></figure><section aria-labelledby=\"key-takeaways\" class=\"article-takeaways\"><h2 id=\"key-takeaways\">Key takeaways</h2><ul><li>Parent-child dynamics in couples can develop when one partner controls and the other becomes passive or resistant.</li><li>This pattern can erode intimacy and replace equal communication with supervision and resentment.</li><li>Shared decisions and greater personal responsibility can help partners return to a more balanced relationship.</li></ul></section><h2 id=\"tips\"><strong>Tips:</strong></h2><p>First acknowledge your perspective roles and agree to change.</p><p>Second, the parent partner needs to enlist their partners help in the marriage. It looks like this, instead of assigning a chore discuss a situation with your partner and ask your partner for suggestions and advice on how to handle the issue. Compromise and give the child partner ownership of the task at hand.</p><p>\nThird, the child partner needs to become an active participant in the relationship and not see themselves as the victim. Take charge of chores/situations and see what response you get from your partner.\n</p><section aria-label=\"Subject matter expert\" class=\"article-expert article-expert-inline\" data-expert-kind=\"related\" data-expert-layout=\"standard\"><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Subject matter expert</p><div class=\"article-expert-identity\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/holly-schiff\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Holly Schiff  Psy.D.\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/af4ecdb78008ac81cd3aa271.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/holly-schiff\">Holly Schiff <span class=\"expert-credentials\">Psy.D.</span></a></h2></div><p class=\"article-expert-focus\">Children, adolescents, and families</p></section></article><div class=\"article-endmatter\"><section class=\"article-about article-panel\"><h2 id=\"about-mentalhealth-com\">About MentalHealth.com</h2><p>MentalHealth.com helps people understand themselves, build healthier relationships, and access the right care. We bring together mental health education, diagnostics, and care management to support well-being throughout every phase of life.</p><div class=\"article-contributors\"><section class=\"article-bio\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Marina Edelman, M.A.\"><img alt=\"\" height=\"64\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3587a7729f78ac15e318f3a7.jpg\" width=\"64\" decoding=\"async\"></a><div><p class=\"article-bio-role\">Author</p><h3 id=\"marina-edelman\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman\">Marina Edelman, M.A.</a></h3><p class=\"article-bio-credentials\">MA</p><p>Marina Edelman is a Marriage and Family Therapist with over 18 years of experience oinproviding therapy to individuals, couples, and families.</p><dl><div><dt>Published</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2010-10-19T04:00:00Z\">October 19, 2010</time></dd></div><div><dt>Updated</dt><dd><time datetime=\"2025-08-27T10:44:29Z\">August 27, 2025</time></dd></div></dl></div></section></div></section><section aria-label=\"Related community\" class=\"article-topic-community article-topic-community-end\"><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/family-health\" class=\"card-identity-photo\" aria-label=\"Family Health\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"topic-community-banner\" height=\"800\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/48c4f4462bc660be56228199.webp\" width=\"1200\" decoding=\"async\" srcset=\"/assets/responsive/6a3f0313c300fe7453c7fa29.webp 800w, /assets/optimized/48c4f4462bc660be56228199.webp 1200w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 961px) 236px, calc(100vw - 80px)\"></a><p class=\"topic-community-label\">Related community</p><h2><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/community/family-health\">Family Health</a></h2><p>Connect around family relationships, shared experiences, and well-being at home.</p></section></div></div><aside aria-label=\"Article navigation and related information\" class=\"article-sidebar\" data-bounded-rail=\"\" tabindex=\"0\"><details class=\"article-contents\" data-expanded=\"false\" data-scrolled-past=\"false\" data-section-preview=\"3\" open=\"\"><summary><strong>Table of contents</strong><span aria-hidden=\"true\"></span><small data-current-section=\"\">Choose a section</small></summary><nav aria-label=\"Article contents\"><ol id=\"article-section-list\"><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#recognizing-parent-child-roles-between-partners\" aria-label=\"Recognizing parent-child roles between partners\" title=\"Recognizing parent-child roles between partners\">Recognizing parent-child roles between partners</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#the-effect-on-intimacy-and-everyday-interactions\" aria-label=\"The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions\" title=\"The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions\">The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions</a></li><li><a href=\"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#tips\" aria-label=\"Tips:\" title=\"Tips:\">Tips:</a></li></ol><button aria-controls=\"article-section-list\" aria-expanded=\"false\" class=\"article-sections-toggle\" data-sections-toggle=\"\" hidden=\"\" type=\"button\">View more</button></nav></details></aside></div></div></div>","text":"Home Library Relationships Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics Written by Marina Edelman Published on October 19, 2010 · Updated on August 27, 2025 Recognizing parent-child roles between partners Recently Courtney Cox and David Arquette have been in the news announcing their separation. David went on the Howard Stern’s radio show to discuss the demise of his marriage. What came out of the interview is David admitting to taking on the child role in their marriage and Courtney becoming tired of being the mother. This dynamic is unfortunately very common in marriages and becomes toxic overtime if behavior is not changed. To get a better idea about the dynamic watch some past episodes of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”. In essence one spouse assumes the parent position while the other spouse assumes the child position. The “parent” partner typically nags, prods, controls, dictates, scolds, and makes most of the decisions. The “parent” can be emasculating at times and cause the “child” partner to harbor resentment. The “child” in turn can be rebellious, immature, passive-aggressive, and irresponsible. I work with many couples every week that portray this dysfunctional pattern. The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions Intimacy is the first thing to usually go because nobody wants to be intimate with their parent. Nagging and irresponsibility are not sexy traits. Second is communication on a mature intimate level ceases and instead gets replaced with more of a business language. One spouse asks another to do something and then follows up to see if it was done. The one assigned the task usualy doesn’t complete the task on purpose and the cycle continues. Key takeaways Parent-child dynamics in couples can develop when one partner controls and the other becomes passive or resistant. This pattern can erode intimacy and replace equal communication with supervision and resentment. Shared decisions and greater personal responsibility can help partners return to a more balanced relationship. Tips: First acknowledge your perspective roles and agree to change. Second, the parent partner needs to enlist their partners help in the marriage. It looks like this, instead of assigning a chore discuss a situation with your partner and ask your partner for suggestions and advice on how to handle the issue. Compromise and give the child partner ownership of the task at hand. Third, the child partner needs to become an active participant in the relationship and not see themselves as the victim. Take charge of chores/situations and see what response you get from your partner. Subject matter expert Holly Schiff Psy.D. Children, adolescents, and families About MentalHealth.com MentalHealth.com helps people understand themselves, build healthier relationships, and access the right care. We bring together mental health education, diagnostics, and care management to support well-being throughout every phase of life. Author Marina Edelman, M.A. MA Marina Edelman is a Marriage and Family Therapist with over 18 years of experience oinproviding therapy to individuals, couples, and families. Published October 19, 2010 Updated August 27, 2025 Related community Family Health Connect around family relationships, shared experiences, and well-being at home. Table of contentsChoose a section Recognizing parent-child roles between partners The effect on intimacy and everyday interactions Tips: View more","wordCount":526},"schema":{"@context":"https://schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization","name":"MentalHealth.com","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","publishingPrinciples":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing/editorial-policy"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#website","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/","name":"MentalHealth.com","inLanguage":"en-US","publisher":{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/#organization"}},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Library","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Relationships","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/relationships"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics","item":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another"}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#primaryimage","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/02f12d8b84ff95b3b10ce768.webp","contentUrl":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/02f12d8b84ff95b3b10ce768.webp","width":1199,"height":800,"encodingFormat":"image/webp","caption":"A father and child sit together on the floor at home."},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman#person","name":"Marina Edelman","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/people/marina-edelman","jobTitle":"MA","image":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/assets/optimized/3587a7729f78ac15e318f3a7.jpg","sameAs":["https://www.linkedin.com/in/marinaedelman/"],"memberOf":[{"@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/publishing#department"}]},{"@type":"Article","@id":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another#article","url":"https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/when-relationship-partners-act-like-parents-or-children-towards-one-another","headline":"Relationship Parent–Child Dynamics","description":"Learn about the toxic dynamic of one spouse as the parent and the other as the child in a marriage. 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