How could my sister steal my boyfriend?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 20, 2025
Question
My sister who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder came to live with me and my boyfriend of four years. She had struggled financially for many years, and my family and I had already helped her with thousands of dollars and countless hours of support. We thought we had reached our limit. Still, I decided to take her in to try to understand what was really going on with her.
I spent countless hours and hundreds of dollars preparing for her arrival, from outfitting her room with a TV, computer, and bed to coordinating her move from Texas to Connecticut. Our family also helped bring her twelve year old daughter and her three pets who needed vet checks, kennels, and airline tickets. We went through chaos rescuing her from near homelessness, but finally she was safe with me in Connecticut. I was genuinely happy when she arrived.
Then two weeks later I discovered she and my boyfriend had fallen in love. I was forced out of the home because the house is in his name. I stayed another month intentionally to prepare for leaving because I learned my boyfriend is a narcissist, something that explained a lot about my experience living with him. I wanted to see firsthand how these two “evil” forces worked together.
Make no mistake, I was shell shocked, broken by pain, and barely standing but what I witnessed in that house was unbelievable. Through it all, my mother, daughter, and close friends were there to help me stay sane while I prepared to leave. Thankfully, I no longer care about the boyfriend.
What in God’s name could drive my own sister to do this to me? Especially when I have helped her through her worst times with incredible support.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, MentalHealth.com, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and MentalHealth.com, LLC disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer
I must admit that this is a horrible story. Who can blame you for feeling betrayed and confused.
Perhaps it would help to try and think of it this way: “It could be worse, You could be married to him.” In other words, you are fortunate to be out of that relationship and away from him. As for your sister, that is a lot more complicated.
You and your family had good intentions towards your sister. Well, do you remember the old saying that “Hell is paved with good intentions?” Unfortunately, it is true. Another way of stating this concept is to use the term “Enabling.” In other words, by attempting to help your sister the entire family has made it easy for her to be irresponsible.
It is true that she has a Bipolar Disorder and that is serious. Of course, there are varying levels of severity for that disorder. If she her mood swings are accompanied by audio visual hallucinations then we refer to the illness as Bipolar with Psychotic features or Schizoaffective Disorder. Either way, those symptoms are extremely serious. That is not to minimize the impact of Bipolar Disorder without psychotic features as the Mania and the Depression can be extremely dangerous.
There is help for your sister in the mental health community without you and your family expending huge sums of your money to support her. A diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder usually qualifies a person for Social Security Income (SSI). SSI would qualify her for Medicare and Medicaid, both of which would cover her treatment for this psychiatric condition.
If she refuses this type of help then the consequences need to be her own. I sense that it was with some naivety that you and your family thought that it would be wonderful to help her. Having a Bipolar Disorder does not prevent a person from being manipulative and selfish. In fact, having that disorder often means that the person carries a personality disorder diagnosis.
I regret the fact that you have been badly hurt by your sister but I hope that it has helped you learn a lesson about “good intentions.” She has a mental illness, perhaps does not take her medication, and may have a personality disorder by whose nature motivates her to manipulate people to her own purposes.
Next time do not help, do not enable and do not pave hell with good intentions. There is plenty of help for your sister in the mental health community and I have a hunch, based on experience, that she is well aware of this.
Sorry for your pain and best of luck to you.
Medical Content
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
About MentalHealth.com
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. is a medical writer with more than 30 years of clinical experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He writes on a wide range of mental health topics, including mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, trauma, abuse, stress, and relationship challenges.
Be the first to read new articles from Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
Join MentalHealth.com for free to get updates
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 20, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.