Help me please. What is going on with me?
Question
Over the past few years I’ve been under an incredible amount of stress and because of my past, I’ve developed serious trust issues with people. I have three children I deeply love but most days I isolate myself in my room and only interact with them when necessary – like helping with homework or handling something important. My significant other usually takes care of things with the kids and when he’s not around, my 15-year-old steps in.
Even though I have many friends, I prefer being alone. I avoid spending time with them or even with my family. Sometimes I find myself crying for no clear reason. I’ve completely lost interest in sex and emotionally I often feel numb. I’m working and recently started school, hoping to distract myself and take my mind off things.
When my kids, my partner, or family members say something, I feel a wave of irritation or agitation rise up inside me. Please don’t misunderstand, I love them very much. I’m not having thoughts of suicide or harming anyone but I know something isn’t right and there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface.
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Answer
It is never possible to give a diagnosis over the Internet and, for that reason, it is important that you ask for an appointment with your Doctor and report this to him. However, I will share my impressions or my guesses from what you describe.
It is possible that you are experiencing Major Depression. I say that because much of what you describe fits the diagnostic categories for this. I must quickly point out that there are many physical or medical problems that could bel lurking underneath and be responsible for this. That is why you must see your doctor and have a complete medical exam.
If your medical examination reveals nothing, then, it is important that you see a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist for a complete psychiatric evaluation. In the absence of any physical problem, they will be able to determine what exactly the issue is, whether its Major Depression or something else.
I must be honest in letting you know that I do not believe you when you report that you do not have suicidal thoughts. Please do not be offended but I couldn’t help but think to myself, “why would this woman deny suicidal thoughts unless she has them. After all, I don’t know you and never asked you if you do or do not.
Depression often brings with it thoughts that are suicidal in nature.
In the same way, you report that you have no thoughts of hurting anyone else, and I believe you. But, in the same way, your denial causes me to guess that you could be very angry. Now, I have no idea what you might be angry about or even if I am correct about this. However, it makes sense since depression and anger often go together.
My guess is that the stresses that you have been through in recent years have taken their toll on you and your feelings. That is only natural.
In my opinion, it is not good that you isolate yourself in your room. It is not healthy for you to do this but it may be part of depression if that is what you have.
Please get help quickly and do not delay. Your family needs you, as does your partner and yourself. What, you need you? Yes, you need you to get help, get out of your room and start living again.
I wish you well.