Is my husband’s secretary too close to him?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Question
Am I asking too much of my husband? We have a Christian marriage. I have moved 3 times for his job promotions, each time I have given up jobs that I enjoy. When I was in my 20’s I worked as a secretary in an office with 8 men. I would never go out to lunch with them. My husband was very jealous and I really had no desire to go out with them. He has a secretary,now, and he’s with her from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm. He goes out to lunch with her every day and they are seen around town together. Some of these trips are necessary, some aren’t. My problem is she wants to attend after hour functions with us because her husband won’t attend. Really, she rather attend with my husband and me stay home, Because she doesn’t want to infringe on our time. But when she goes with us. I am ignored and they talk company business the whole time. She sits between us and he talks to her the whole time. Am I being petty? If I was doing this to him, he wouldn’t like it but I am to go along with this. I feel after hours are our time. She can go on her own.
- Anne Landers bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne Landers intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- Anne Landers, MentalHealth.com, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer
Yikes! Is your husband looking for a reason to make you angry? To make you want to leave him? Because his behavior in this area is clearly inappropriate and somewhat dishonorable. As his wife, you should be the center of his attention and he should take time out — or make time, if necessary — to be with you as much as possible. This isn’t some idealistic fantasy scenario — for a marriage to work, it requires sacrifices from both parties. Now’s the hard part. You need to let him know that his behaviors regarding his secretary are disturbing to you. While he may be quick to poo-poo your concerns, you need to stand fast and hold your ground. Get him to realize he’s out of line here and compromise on how much time he spends with her. And if doesn’t see this as a problem, let him know that if it’s a problem for you, then it’s a problem for your relationship It needs attention, or else something may eventually give in the relationship. Good luck, – Anne
Medical Content
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
About MentalHealth.com
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Ann Landers was a writer who specialized in offering advice from the perspective of a mentor or friend. She wrote blogs focused on friendship, romantic relationships, heartbreak, and beyond.
Be the first to read new articles from Ann Landers
Join MentalHealth.com for free to get updates
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.