Was I Sexually Abused?
Question
Is it possible to have been sexually abused as a child and not remember it at all? I sometimes have dreams of being sexually attacked. When I was in the psych ward there were male nurses who would come in the room at night and check on us and this really scared me. I wanted to sleep in my blue jeans because it would be harder to get blue jeans off. The sex with my husband is good (I can climax easily) but I can’t deal with being kissed, hugged, or foreplay. Basically I can’t deal with intimacy. However, I don’t remember ever being sexually abused but why else would I feel like this.? Is it possible I can’t remember? I have also had problems with anorexia. Thanks for your time.
- Dr. Dombeck responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Dombeck intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Dombeck to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Dombeck, MentalHealth.com, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer
Yes it is possible to have been sexually abused as a child, to not remember it, and then to experience difficulty with intimacy and other ‘symptoms’ as an adult. However, it is also possible to have NOT been sexually abused as a child and to have the same problems. Since you don’t know if you were sexually abused or not – consider that you don’t need to add to your problems by potentially ‘remembering’ something that didn’t happen. If it did happen or if it didn’t happen – you are still dealing with the same concerns today. There may very well be someone who harmed you – I don’t know one way or another. However, rather than casting about for someone to blame why not spend your energy on making life more livable in the present? The present is where you are living today. What do you think would make your life better today? Developing a better capacity for intimacy? Eating a healthy diet so that your weight remains within safe guidelines? Something else? Why not spend your energy on that? The issue comes down to whether you want to see yourself today more as a passive victim of past circumstances, or someone who actively works on today’s circumstances to make them better.
The content on this page was originally from MentalHelp.net, a website we acquired and moved to MentalHealth.com in September 2024. This content has not yet been fully updated to meet our content standards and may be incomplete. We are committed to editing, enhancing, and medically reviewing all content by March 31, 2025. Please check back soon, and thank you for visiting MentalHealth.com. Learn more about our content standards here.
We take mental health content seriously, which is why we follow strict content guidelines to deliver the highest quality information possible. All editorial decisions regarding the content published on this site are made by the MentalHealth.com Editorial Team, under the guidance of our Medical Affairs Team.