What Is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience is the ability to have strong feelings without becoming ineffective, paralyzed, or destructive to other people or yourself.
Emotionally resilient people can be honest about their feelings without being inwardly judgmental or self-critical. An example of this is feeling angry with someone but not allowing self-talk that is critical of those feelings, such as “I’m so stupid for feeling this way.” Instead of engaging in negativity, people who are emotionally resilient acknowledge how they feel without attaching judgment. Being open to all emotions, positive or negative, allows a person to feel negative emotions, such as sadness, in the same way they feel positive emotions, such as happiness. (1)
When emotionally resilient people face a challenge or setback, they tend to bounce back rather than fall apart. They don’t internalize and dwell on problems or play the victim. Emotionally resilient people face adversity without turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as risky behaviors, substance use, or eating disorders.
These people have learned to work through adversity and trauma by calling on others for help and support instead of trying to handle something on their own. (2)
How to Build Emotional Resilience
Building emotional resilience takes work. These research-based resilience practices can improve a person’s ability to better confront emotional pain. (3)
Expressive Writing
Expressive writing is free writing for 20 minutes or more about an experience, delving into the deep feelings and thoughts it evokes. When bad things happen, people tend to relive the experience and rehash the pain multiple times in their heads. To stop this spinning wheel of thoughts, practicing expressive writing helps people to move forward.
Finding Silver Linings
An emotionally resilient individual can look at the upsides of an event and list the positive things that came from it. For example, an argument with a spouse can expose issues that were hidden or not obvious before so they can be addressed.
Overcoming Fears
Slowly and repeatedly exposing a person in small doses to what frightens them, also called “exposure therapy,” helps to change what they associate with that fearful event. The fear may never fully go away, but the ability to confront it is strengthened.
Self-compassion
The art of dealing with negative emotions in a kinder, gentler way without judgment can lead to less depression due to dissatisfaction with life. Learning to be mindful of hurtful feelings to put them in a better perspective strengthens resilience. Using affirmations of self-acceptance, self-compassion, and patience builds emotional stability.
Meditation
Thoughts of the past or future can be painful. Meditation allows practitioners to concentrate on the present and enables them to work through feelings more deliberately.
A meditative relaxation technique called body scanning is the practice of concentrating on relaxing each body part one at a time, from head to toe. This can relieve physical manifestations of emotional pain, such as muscle cramps or chest tightness.
Mindful breathing is a meditation practice that involves being aware of the physical sensation of each breath. The practitioner feels the air moving through their nose and notices their chest expanding and stomach rising and falling. When the mind wanders in meditation, the meditator brings attention back to the breath. This is a useful stress-relieving technique during trying times and can last for just a few breaths or minutes.
Forgiveness
Holding grudges can also hold a person back. Forgiveness involves acknowledging the incident, the feelings it created, and its life effects. Making a commitment to forgive and let go of ill will prevents a person from allowing a past event to keep them stuck and prevent them from moving forward.
How to Build Confidence
Self-confidence is one of the biggest defining factors of success. While there is no magic formula to build self-confidence, some tried and true techniques for building confidence include: (4)
- Look Good to Feel Good. Dress nicely and have a flattering hairstyle, shaved face, or neatly trimmed beard. First impressions count, and a person who looks good on the outside will generally feel better on the inside.
- Be Positive. A positive attitude and enthusiasm can bring happiness to other people. Focus on solutions rather than problems.
- Change Body Language and Speech. A person with good posture who smiles and makes eye contact can make people comfortable. It helps to speak slowly and clearly, listen attentively, and ask questions or make comments during conversations.
- Be Prepared. A confident person learns everything needed about whatever or whoever they want to impress. Having the needed knowledge is a great confidence builder.
- Make a List. It’s hard to feel self-confident during tough times. It can help to write a list of accomplishments and things to be thankful for and post them as a constant reminder of the positive things in life.
Emotional Resilience Tips
Some people seem to be born resilient, but for the rest, resilience is a learnable skill that can improve life. A few helpful tips for becoming more emotionally resilient include: (5)
Be an Optimist. Always try to see the glass half full, not half empty. When things are going awry, think of the most positive outcome. Visualize the positive elements of a future situation.
Take an Alternate Point of View. When facing a potentially negative predicament, it can be helpful to find the most positive aspects. For example, if a person’s child isn’t a scholar but is a talented athlete, the parent can support and be proud of the talents they have.
Build a Social Network. Family and friends are the best people to talk to during stressful times. It’s easier to cope with adversity with a supportive group of people to rely on.
Laugh More. The saying “laughter is the best medicine” has a basis in truth. Laughter boosts the immune system and decreases stress hormones. Enjoying comedic movies and books or watching comedies online can boost mood.
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Danielle Smith is a writer on the Editorial Team for MentalHealth.com, contributing blogs and articles related to stress, emotional resilience, and mental illness in children.