Questioning My Sexuality
Question
I’m a 24-year-old man. I’ve had sex with four women and have been romantically involved with around twelve. I’ve genuinely enjoyed all of those experiences, especially with my current girlfriend, whom I love and feel very close to. However, I’ve struggled with depression in the past, including a severe episode when I was 18. During that time, I experienced intrusive and obsessive thoughts about being gay even though I didn’t feel any actual desire to be with another man. Those thoughts eventually faded, but they’ve recently come back.
Right now, I’m feeling depressed again and am taking Effexor. The return of these thoughts is really unsettling and confusing. I still love my girlfriend and have a fulfilling sexual relationship with her. These thoughts don’t reflect how I feel, but they keep intruding, making me wonder if this could be a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I don’t believe I’m bisexual, I don’t have a genuine attraction to men, but the intrusive nature of these thoughts is hard to ignore. Any insight, especially from those who’ve experienced something similar or from a clinical perspective, would mean a lot.
- Anne Landers bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne Landers intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- Anne Landers, MentalHealth.com, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer
From what you tell me I do not think that you are bisexual or gay. Even if you do have some desire to be with a man there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you are mostly paranoid that other people will think that you are gay. Did something happen when you were growing up or recently that makes you think you are gay? For example, where you teased about it. Finding the source if possible for your thoughts will help to alleviate them.
My best advice for you is to be confident in your sexuality, and not to worry what to label it. Hope this helps. – Anne