Is my low libido caused by childhood experiences?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 26, 2025
Question
I am a 19 year old male, who really needs some support and guidance. When I was around 6-8 years old I played “sex games” with my male cousin, which included touching each other’s genitals, and we both found it very pleasurable. We did this quite often and I remember I used to think about it a lot and anticipate when it would happen. It seems I enjoyed it far too much. Gradually I lost the urge to play this and so did he but I cant quite remember when, why or how.
When I was 9-11, I had another male friend who tried to do this with me too and I was repulsed, quite bothered by it and felt very awkward.
Ever since age 11 I have been sexually attracted to women and in no way homosexual. I have heard that ‘sex games’ is very normal among straight children and up until now my past with my cousin has not affected me. It began to bother me when I discovered that I have an erectile dysfunction that is inexplicable. I seem to have complete lack of libido and it is becoming quite harmful to my relationship.
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Answer
You are correct when you state that childhood sex play of a heterosexual or homosexual nature is normal and common. Children are what we refer to as polymorphous perverse and that simply means that they have lots of sexual feelings that are directed in many directions without it being mature heterosexuality or mature homosexuality. It is also common for children to lose interest in continuing that behavior but that varies from one child to the other.
Without knowing you and all the details of your life I can only put forward some ideas about why you are presently having problems and make some suggestions about getting help:
- I have the impression that you feel either guilty or anxious or both about your childhood sexual experiences.
- I am guessing that your anxiety/guilt (and I am guessing about those emotions) are related to fears that you may have that you are homosexual (I agree that you are not because you know that you are not).
- Anxiety, guilt and fear all can add up to having difficulty getting and keeping an erection and to low libido.
- We should never rule out physiological causes of libidinal and erectile problems.
Some suggestions:
- You should see your MD and discuss the libidinal and erectile problems you are experiencing. He can give you a complete physical examination. Some of the types of problems that can interfere with sexuality even in a young person like yourself are diabetes, under-active thyroid gland, other types of endocrine problems or some neurological problem.
- If you are found to be in excellent physical health it is time to see a mental health specialist because you may be experiencing depression along with anxiety and both can interfere with sexuality.
If you are depressed then anti depressant medication may help but you would be better of with psychotherapy. Anti depressant medications can further lower libido so you need to keep that in mind. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker with whom you can discuss your issues and work through the feelings that may be hampering your sexual feelings and intimate life.
It would be good if your girlfriend went with you to some of these medical appointments so she can begin to understand that you are not deliberately doing something to avoid her.
Best of luck.
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We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. is a medical writer with more than 30 years of clinical experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He writes on a wide range of mental health topics, including mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, trauma, abuse, stress, and relationship challenges.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 26, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.