How should I handle issues between my boyfriend and his adult daughter?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on June 5, 2026
Question
My boyfriend of two years left me because he felt I was too jealous of his daughter. She is 25 years old with 2 children. She rarely works and is on state assistance saying she cannot find a job.
He pays around $900 dollars per month of her bills. Among the bills he pays for her are bankruptcy, utilities, cell phones, etc. We own property together and vehicles together.
However, all of his life insurance and his home is left to his daughter with no provision for me to pay our debts if something were to happen to him. When the grandchildren come they hit me with pillows and order me to the sofa and it doesn’t seem to bother him.
Am I jealous or in a bad relationship?
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Answer
Only you can know if you feel jealous or not. However, it is my opinion that you are in a bad relationship. More than that, you seem to have made some serious errors.
It is never wise to jointly purchase propery, cars and other expensive items outside of marriage. If the two of you were married and divorcing, the judge at the divorce hearings, would divide the property and bills so that neither one of you are left with the full financial responsibility for all that the two of you bought.
The fact that you and your boyfriend are not married complicates the property situation very greatly. Of course, a lot may depend on the state in which you live. There are a few states where “common law marriage” still exists. That means that if two people live together for the required amount of time in that state, the law recognizes them as married. I do not know which states continue to have that provision.
Your problem is the question of whether or not the two of you have legal claims (for the property and cars and loans) against each other. Only a judge in a court of law can determine that.
As for his daughter and grandchildren, it is always extremely difficult to be in a relationship in which one partner is involved in that way. Some people are able to cope with the situation and others are not. No one can judge the rightness or wrongness of a father paying the bills of an adult child.
No one can judge the rightness or wrongness of how a grandfather handles his grandchildren when they come to visit. It is for these reasons that it is difficult to enter a relationship when children or grandchildren are present.
It is not unusual for the new partner who has no children to become jealous when their lover has sons, daughters and grandchildren. You have to know yourself because there is no right or wrong here either. If you find it impossible to cope with this man’s adult daughter and her children then its the wrong relationship for you.
You report the relationship is over and that means that you need to consult an attorney to learn whether or not you have any claims against this man for the cars, properties and bills. That is my opinion.
Good luck to you
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MentalHealth.com is a health technology company dedicated to guiding people toward self-understanding and human connection. We provide reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities that educate, support, and empower people throughout their mental health journey.
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. is a medical writer with more than 30 years of clinical experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He writes on a wide range of mental health topics, including mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, trauma, abuse, stress, and relationship challenges.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on June 5, 2026
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
MentalHealth.com is a health technology company dedicated to guiding people toward self-understanding and human connection. We provide reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities that educate, support, and empower people throughout their mental health journey.