What should I do if my husband won’t touch me?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Question
Hi,I have a question. I have been with my husband for 6 years of marriage and 7 years together. At the begining things was great he was affectionate and lovable and he was the one that started everything. And now I am lucky if I get sexual relationship with him maybe every 2 weeks. He saids it is cause from all the jobs he has had. Could he be right on that?
We talk about it but nothing seems to get corrected. He also says that he dose not remember how to be affectionate when he started it. I did ask him if he go see someone to help him out. He says he does not want to. He does think it would help him. I told him I am not ending our marriage over this cause I think it is stupid and 2 I now this can be fixed but how when I have talked to him about so many times about this.
I asked him if I have done anything wrong to make him stop being affectionate. He saids no it is not my fault. All I want to know is where to go from here and is my husband right when work can cause the stress in him for not being so affectionate no more? Thank you for your time.
- Anne Landers bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne Landers intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- Anne Landers, MentalHealth.com, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer
If your husband is working multiple jobs at once (or even one job for many hours), he may very well be telling you the truth. Work stress does take a toll on people, and sexual desire is often one of the first things to go when life becomes stressful. Luckily this is a reversible problem if both of you are willing to compromise and to work on it to make it better. I, like you, think that seeing a counselor about this issue would be a good idea.
Unlike you, I don’t think that your husband should go alone, but rather that the two of you should go together, as in marriage counseling. It’s not that there are necessarily serious problems in the marriage right now – but if left uncorrected, the low frequency of intimacy in your marriage might lead to more serious problems (like you being angry and furious at your husband all the time, feeling that he has rejected you).
I would suggest you tell him that the lack of sexuality in the relationship is hard for you (as it is for many in your position), and that you hope he’ll agree to go with you for relationship counseling to ‘nip this problem in the bud’ while it is still small and solvable. Whether you ultimately go for therapy or not, a hopeful sign would be that he’ll recognize that your concerns are important and that he’ll take them seriously and want to address them so that you are happier again.
This is not his problem alone; this is a problem in your shared relationship. Because it is a shared problem you will both have to cooperate to come to a mutually satisfactory solution.
Medical Content
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
About MentalHealth.com
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Ann Landers was a writer who specialized in offering advice from the perspective of a mentor or friend. She wrote blogs focused on friendship, romantic relationships, heartbreak, and beyond.
Be the first to read new articles from Ann Landers
Join MentalHealth.com for free to get updates
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.