Can you help me save my relationship?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on August 27, 2025
Question
For the first time in my life, I am completely in love. I’ve experienced deep love before, but I never felt the desire to settle down with someone, like I do now. Yet I can’t help but feel as if I’m being punished for the way I’ve handled past relationships.
My boyfriend and I live together, and like in my previous relationships, our first year, which began with so much happiness, is starting to fall apart. We’ve both become so defensive that we can’t seem to go more than a couple of days without an emotional argument. These conflicts often leave me facing hard truths, he doesn’t think the way I do or value the things that matter most to me.
He makes me feel like someone I know I’m not. Even comments I say with good intentions can quickly escalate into a full-blown argument. He often walks out, and I’m left crying, feeling helpless. I no longer know how to manage these moments. Instead of seeing our arguments as normal challenges that couples face, they feel like massive barriers that disrupt the path we were building together.
When I look back at our time, it feels like those barriers have damaged something that was once filled with hope. I start to withdraw, give up, and lose faith that this relationship can be repaired. I still love him deeply, but I feel emotionally exhausted, misunderstood, and at times, hurt in ways I don’t fully understand.
I want to make this work. Can you help me find a way to save our relationship?
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Answer
I doubt that I could. And given what you are reporting with regard to the frequency and intensity of your fighting, I doubt that you or your boyfriend could save the relationship either. That much fighting is not healthy.
If you want to soldier on and try to fix things, however, the best way will be for you to get your boyfriend and go to see a relationship therapist for marriage therapy. You two need to learn how to not get into fights so easily, and how to accept differences between one another without getting frantic and abusive. A good therapist might be able to help you with these issues.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Ann Landers was a writer who specialized in offering advice from the perspective of a mentor or friend. She wrote blogs focused on friendship, romantic relationships, heartbreak, and beyond.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Ann Landers
– Updated on August 27, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.