Potentially Suicidal Boyfriend
Question
I have a question that concerns my boyfriend. He is depressed. But his depression doesn’t show around me. My best friend told me that he has depression and once in his life he tried to commit suicide.. And suicide is a really hard subject for me to talk about (I lost a friend from suicide) and the last thing I want is my boyfriend to feel that is the only way out! He doesn’t like to talk about it.. I mean, I will ask him what is wrong and he will be like nothing. And thanks to my friend I know what is wrong with him. I am scared to lose him in more ways than a “break up.” I want him to be happy and know that I care about him.. I don’t know how to do that. When I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing and I just drop it because I don’t want to be a controlling, nosey, annoying little girlfriend. But this depression concern about him keeps me up all night just worrying about him.. Wondering if he is okay. I really love him and I will do anything to help him. I did all this depression research and taught myself somewhat what some of the thoughts he might be having so I can sort of understand what he is going through. Because he doesn’t tell me anything about it! So I feel like I am so helpless and unable to help him in his problems because I am unable to understand what he is going through because he seems to not want me to know.. Like it will make me sad or hate him. And yes I would get upset, but that is just because he is upset about it! But I could never HATE him.. And he seems not to believe that. I have gone on and on. Basically, I am really concerned and I want to help him through it or even out of it, because he is apart of my life and I would give anything for him to be better!
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician
Answer
Your concerns about being a “controlling nosey annoying little girlfriend” are unfounded. If you care about this man then confront him and tell him that you have been led to believe that he is seriously depressed by a trusted source, that you are worried about him, and that you need him to talk to you about it because you are so worried and want to know how to help him. Emphasizing how worried you are about him when you speak with him may encourage him to talk to you more openly. If he says to you that you can best help him by leaving him alone, don’t believe him. Part of the illness of depression is that people want to withdraw from others and be isolated. However, withdrawal and isolation (physical or emotional) is not good for the depressed person at all. If he absolutely refuses to talk to you about what he is going through, then you have learned something about how intimate this man is willing to be with you that may help you to know if he is someone you want to be in a long term committed relationship with. Good luck.
The content on this page was originally from MentalHelp.net, a website we acquired and moved to MentalHealth.com in September 2024. This content has not yet been fully updated to meet our content standards and may be incomplete. We are committed to editing, enhancing, and medically reviewing all content by March 31, 2025. Please check back soon, and thank you for visiting MentalHealth.com. Learn more about our content standards here.
We take mental health content seriously, which is why we follow strict content guidelines to deliver the highest quality information possible. All editorial decisions regarding the content published on this site are made by the MentalHealth.com Editorial Team, under the guidance of our Medical Affairs Team.