Can a psychologist tell his patient that he is attracted to her?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 25, 2025
Question
Is it ever appropriate for a psychologist to disclose their attraction to a patient, even if they know the patient feels the same way?
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Answer
This is a complex issue that is much discussed within therapy circles. The generally accepted answer, which is also considered to be the ethically proper way to handle these situations, is for the therapist to not admit to any feelings of attraction, and most definitely not to ever, under any circumstances act on such feelings. At the very least, a therapist should not dwell on any discussion of her own attraction, and refocus the patient towards exploring his own motives.
Patients are not in therapy to socialize with their therapist (at least hopefully). They are there to do therapy work, which means focusing on their inner emotional experience. For a therapist to admit to attraction causes the focus of the patient’s experience to shift into a social mode where the patient is fantasizing about the two as a romantic pair. Better for the therapist to acknowledge the attraction if the patient wants to talk about it, and gently refocus the patient towards exploring where that attraction is coming from and why it is happening now. That makes for a far better and far more therapeutic discussion for the patient as it helps the patient to become more aware of the motives behind their desires.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. is a trauma-informed psychologist with over 30 years of experience helping people navigate mental health challenges.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.
– Updated on August 25, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.