Raising children is never easy. Every child has unique needs, and parenting requires constant adjustment. This challenge intensifies in a stepfamily, where you’re not only blending different parenting styles, but also navigating complex dynamics with stepchildren.
- Focus on the Positive
- Success is One Experience at a Time
- Keep Affection and Intimacy Alive
- Give Each Other the Benefit of the Doubt
- Frequent Communication Is Essential
- Be Mindful of How You Talk About Stepchildren
- Respect the Time for Natural Parents
- Take Care of Your Own Health
- This Stage Is Temporary

Disagreements are inevitable in any marriage, especially when it comes to parenting. Studies show that 70% of stepfamilies experience significant conflict related to child-rearing. [1] While disagreements may seem less frequent in some marriages, they often arise when dealing with different approaches to discipline or values. In stepfamilies, these differences are often more pronounced.
In stepfamilies, nurturing the marriage becomes even more challenging. According to research from the American Psychological Association, couples in stepfamilies report less quality time together than those with biological children. [2] When children are resistant to your role as a stepparent, it creates a push-pull effect where you struggle to maintain closeness with your partner while also supporting new relationships with stepchildren.
Let’s explore some practical tips to strengthen your marriage and build stronger family connections in a stepfamily setting. By committing to strengthening your marriage with patience, understanding, and a positive mindset, you can create a resilient foundation that will support your marriage and family for years to come.
Focus on the Positive
The first step in protecting your marriage is to set a positive tone. Focus on what’s working, no matter how small. Take the time to acknowledge the little victories, the moments of growth in your stepchildren, and the positive steps you and your spouse are making together. It’s easy to get bogged down by the frustrations, but by consciously looking for the good, you can shift the energy in your home to one of gratitude and optimism.
Research shows that couples who emphasize positive reinforcement—rather than focusing on what’s wrong—are more likely to stay emotionally connected. [3] A study from the University of California, Berkeley, revealed that couples who regularly express appreciation for each other’s efforts, no matter how small, have stronger bonds and are better equipped to handle stress. Focusing on the positives and expressing gratitude strengthens your relationship by creating a cycle of support and understanding, instead of resentment or conflict.
Success is One Experience at a Time
Equally important is the recognition that success in a stepfamily is measured by the accumulation of small, everyday moments. Sure, there will be major breakthroughs; like when a stepchild opens up to you or when your spouse and you finally agree on a parenting strategy. But it’s the smaller wins, the daily interactions that build trust and familiarity, that create the foundation of a strong family unit. These quiet victories shared smiles, supportive words, or moments of connection—are worth celebrating just as much as the big steps forward.
For example:
- A simple conversation: When a stepchild asks about your day or shares something small, it might seem like a minor exchange, but it’s a sign of growing trust and connection.
- A gesture of kindness: Offering to help a stepchild with their homework or simply making them their favorite snack can go a long way in creating a sense of belonging and care.
- A shared laugh: Laughter, even over something silly or small, creates an emotional bond and lightens the atmosphere, making the family feel more cohesive.
Keep Affection and Intimacy Alive
Affection and intimacy also play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy marriage. While life in a stepfamily can feel exhausting, making time for physical connection is vital. A simple touch, a hug, or even a kiss can do wonders to reduce stress and reinforce emotional bonds. In fact, studies show that physical touch has physiological benefits, promoting well-being and bonding. Even when you don’t feel like it, keeping affection alive is key to maintaining intimacy and connection.
Research has shown that physical affection, such as hugs and kisses, releases oxytocin, a hormone that produces emotional bonding. [4] Couples who engage in regular physical touch, especially in stressful family situations, tend to feel more supported and less isolated. In stepfamilies, this is particularly important, as it helps to bridge emotional gaps created by the complex family dynamics.
Give Each Other the Benefit of the Doubt
At the same time, it’s important to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Parenting styles will differ—perhaps your spouse values structure and discipline, while you prioritize nurturing and communication. But instead of seeing this as a conflict, try to approach it with understanding. Remember that both of you want what’s best for the family, even if you approach it in different ways. By believing in each other’s good intentions, you can find common ground and create a shared vision for your family’s future.
Frequent Communication Is Essential
Frequent, open communication about parenting is another cornerstone of a strong marriage in a stepfamily. Discuss your values, philosophies, and the approach you each want to take. This is especially important when it comes to discipline, boundaries, and expectations. Respecting your differences while seeking common ground will help you avoid unnecessary conflict. Keep in mind that your spouse might not parent the same way you do, and that’s okay. Neither approach is inherently better than the other. The goal is to find a middle ground that works for both of you, and most importantly, for the children.
Here are three good times for parents in a stepfamily to take time to talk privately after the paragraph:
- After the children are in bed: Once the kids are settled for the night, parents can have uninterrupted time to discuss important topics, reflect on the day, and address any parenting challenges or decisions.
- During a quiet weekend morning: Taking advantage of a calm morning before the day gets busy can offer a peaceful setting for deep, meaningful conversation about parenting approaches and relationship dynamics.
- While on a walk or running errands together: Simple, shared activities like walking or driving can create an opportunity for relaxed conversation, allowing parents to discuss parenting strategies and address any concerns without distractions.
Be Mindful of How You Talk About Stepchildren
It’s also important to be mindful of how you talk about your stepchildren, or how you discuss your partner’s parenting. If you’re feeling frustrated, it’s easy to vent to your spouse, but complaints can add unnecessary strain. Instead, try to approach the conversation with empathy, offering a listening ear without judgment. Be the sounding board your spouse needs to share their struggles and frustrations. This approach not only helps you avoid conflict but also reinforces the emotional support you provide each other.
Respect the Time for Natural Parents
In a blended family, it’s important to respect the time your partner spends with their biological children. Natural parents need to maintain their connection with their kids, and this time apart actually benefits both the relationship with the children and your marriage. [5] Encouraging your spouse to have those moments with their children without interference will strengthen both your relationship with your partner and your relationship with the stepchildren in the long run.
Take Care of Your Own Health
Lastly, taking care of your own health—both physical and mental—is important for keeping up with the demands of family life. Step-parenting and marriage require an emotional and physical investment, and you can’t give your best to others if you’re not taking care of yourself. Regular exercise, good nutrition, adequate sleep, and mental health breaks will give you the energy and resilience needed to navigate stepfamily life. [6]
- Schedule “me-time”: Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether it’s reading, hiking, or pursuing a hobby. Prioritizing yourself allows you to recharge and be a better partner and parent.
- Set physical goals: Regular exercise, even if it’s just a 20-minute walk, can help reduce stress and improve overall health. Setting achievable fitness goals can also provide a sense of accomplishment.
- Practice mindfulness: Incorporating mindfulness or meditation into your routine helps manage stress and improve emotional resilience. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference in your mental clarity.
Remember, This Stage Is Temporary
Remember, the challenges of raising children in a blended family aren’t permanent. Though the early years of step-parenting can feel overwhelming, children grow and change, and family dynamics evolve. The hard work you put in today will eventually pay off in stronger relationships and deeper bonds. You both entered this marriage with the shared goal of building a lasting, loving partnership, and while there will be bumps along the way, your commitment to each other and to the family will guide you through.
Stepfamilies are complex, but they can also be incredibly rewarding. By nurturing your marriage, communicating openly, respecting each other’s roles, and focusing on the positives, you’ll create a foundation of love and trust that will carry you through the challenges. Keep your love alive, protect your bond, and look forward to the brighter days ahead. The best parts of your journey as a couple and a family are still to come.
- Sanner, Caroline, et al. “Effective Parenting in Stepfamilies: Empirical Evidence of What Works.” Family Relations, vol. 71, no. 3, 2022, pp. 604-619. Wiley Online Library, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fare.12703.
- Schoeni, Robert F., et al. “The Strength of Parent–Adult Child Ties in Biological Families and Stepfamilies: Evidence From Time Diaries From Older Adults.” The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, vol. 78, no. 7, 2023, pp. 1156-1165. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9930742/.
- Algoe, Sara B., and Ruixue Zhaoyang. “Positive Psychology in Context: Effects of Expressing Gratitude in Ongoing Relationships Depend on Perceptions of Enactor Responsiveness.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 7, 2016, article 1216. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5085264/.
- Dreisoerner, Aljoscha, et al. “Self-Soothing Touch and Being Hugged Reduce Cortisol Responses to Stress: A Randomized Controlled Trial on Stress, Physical Touch, and Social Identity.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 13, 2022, article 922128. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9216399/.
- Ribar, David C. “Why Marriage Matters for Child Wellbeing.” The Future of Children, vol. 25, no. 2, Fall 2015, pp. 27-44. ERIC, https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1079374.pdf.
- Mahindru, Aditya, et al. “Role of Physical Activity on Mental Health and Well-Being: A Review.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 13, 2023, article 1011234. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9902068/.
Our Medical Affairs Team is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience who actively contribute to the development of our content, products, and services. They meticulously evaluate and review all medical content before publication to ensure it is medically accurate and aligned with current discussions and research developments in mental health. For more information, visit our Editorial Policy.
MentalHealth.com is a health technology company guiding people towards self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.
Sally Connolly has been a therapist for over 30 years, specializing in work with couples, families, and relationships. She has expertise with clients both present in the room as well as online through email, phone, and chat therapy.
Dr. Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with over 20 years of experience. He holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, specializing in somatic and neuropsychology, as well as a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology from the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute.
Further Reading
Our Medical Affairs Team is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience who actively contribute to the development of our content, products, and services. They meticulously evaluate and review all medical content before publication to ensure it is medically accurate and aligned with current discussions and research developments in mental health. For more information, visit our Editorial Policy.
MentalHealth.com is a health technology company guiding people towards self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.