Why is he so jealous?
Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Question
How long have you been together? 8 months
What is your age range? 20/25
Please share your story:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months and everything was good in the beginning. Then, slowly, I started seeing how fast he got angry and how jealous he was. I thought it was cute until it started becoming a controlling issue. He started accusing my own brother of checking me out and how I must like it. My brothers and I are really close so we joke around and make fun of each other . But he is like obsessive and it scares me because I jut got out of a 9 year relationship with an abusive man and we had the same problems.
What should I do?
Is it me? I feel like I will never be happy..
Please help me! Should I continue in this relationship?
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Answer
You are accurate when you state that your boyfriend’s jealousy is a controlling issue. He wants all of your attention focused on himself and feels that you are outside of his control if you spend time with anyone else. Many times jealousy has to do with feeling insecure. Basically, he fears that you like your brothers and other people more than you like him. There is no way you will convince him otherwise. In my opinion, this is why you would be better off ending this relationship. You are correct. You will never be happy with this man because he will always try to control you, at least that is how I “see it.”
However, the issue is deeper for you because you report that, in an earlier relationship, the same issuess appeared. Why does this keep happening to you?
It is common for all of us to repeat past problems in an effort to find solutions. Past problems most often refer back to when we were growing up. Perhaps your father or mother was jealous of each other. Perhaps you experienced or witnessed some other problems in your family and those problems are being repeated as exemplified by the types of men you choose.
My suggestion is that you enter psychotherapy in order to learn how to avoid the same pattern of behaviors that have recently plagued you.
Best of Luck
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D., is a somatic psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in clinical psychology and neuropsychology.
Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. is a medical writer with more than 30 years of clinical experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He writes on a wide range of mental health topics, including mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, trauma, abuse, stress, and relationship challenges.
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Jesse Hanson, Ph.D.
– Written by
Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.
– Updated on September 7, 2025
Additional Reading
The Clinical Affairs Team at MentalHealth.com is a dedicated group of medical professionals with diverse and extensive clinical experience. They actively contribute to the development of content, products, and services, and meticulously review all medical material before publication to ensure accuracy and alignment with current research and conversations in mental health. For more information, please visit the Editorial Policy.
We are a health technology company that guides people toward self-understanding and connection. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being.