How to Build and Maintain Self-Esteem

Self-esteem affects nearly every aspect of daily life, from professional achievements to personal relationships. It’s defined as the overall opinion one has about themselves and their value. Those who maintain healthy self-regard typically experience greater satisfaction and resilience while facing life’s challenges. Building and maintaining self-esteem requires not only an understanding of its components but also a willingness to implement practical strategies that encourage self-appreciation rather than unrealistic self-assessment.

Understanding Self-Esteem

As the overall judgement that one has about their own value, self-esteem is a fundamental self-assessment that influences virtually every aspect of life, from mental health outcomes to relationship quality and personal achievements. 

However, the importance of self-esteem extends beyond individual perception. Research shows that a healthy self-esteem actually protects against common mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety. This protective effect occurs because people with positive self-regard tend to interpret setbacks as temporary and specific, rather than as permanent reflections of their worth. Additionally, those who maintain a healthy self-regard typically approach challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their identity ^[1]. 

So, how does self-love fit into this equation, and what does self-love mean? Self-love involves accepting oneself completely and treating oneself with the same kindness and respect one would offer to a valued friend. By loving oneself and creating a nurturing internal environment, self-esteem can flourish. 

Understanding these nuances helps clarify another common confusion in discussions about personal worth, namely the difference between “self-esteem” and “self-confidence,” which are often used interchangeably. In reality, the former encompasses a person’s inherent sense of worth regardless of external circumstances, and the latter usually relates specifically to belief in one’s abilities to perform particular tasks or handle specific situations. This distinction explains why someone might excel professionally yet still have feelings of personal inadequacy in other areas of life. 

Indicators of Healthy and Unhealthy Self-Esteem

Recognizing the characteristics of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem can help individuals understand their psychological state and identify areas for improvement.

Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem manifests in several observable behaviors and attitudes such as:

• Confidence: People with a healthy self-worth demonstrate confidence in their abilities while recognizing their limitations without harsh self-judgment. They understand that making mistakes is part of growth.
• Open Expression: Those with positive self-regard express their needs and opinions openly, believing their voice matters in conversations and decision-making processes.
• Optimism: When people approach new challenges with optimism and resilience, they can view setbacks as temporary rather than reflections of personal worth.
• Self-Care: People with healthy self-esteem practice self-care naturally, prioritizing their physical and mental well-being without feeling selfish.

Signs of Unhealthy Self-Esteem

Unhealthy self-esteem presents distinct warning signs such as:

• Self-Criticism: People with low self-esteem frequently engage in self-criticism and negative self-talk, focusing on perceived flaws and mistakes.
• Fear of Failure: Some people with unhealthy self-esteem avoid challenging situations due to fear of failure, limiting growth and reinforcing beliefs about inadequacy.
• Minimizing Achievements: Those struggling with self-esteem have difficulty accepting compliments and tend to discount their achievements, attributing success to luck rather than skill or effort.
• Comparing Oneself to Others: Some people with low self-esteem frequently compare themselves unfavorably to others, focusing on their perceived areas of lack rather than acknowledging their strengths.
• People-Pleasing: People with poor self-esteem put others’ needs before their own and have issues setting appropriate boundaries in relationships.
• Perfectionism: People with low self-esteem often exhibit perfectionist tendencies, setting unrealistic standards and experiencing significant distress when unable to meet their own impossibly high expectations.

How to Build Self-Esteem

Building healthy self-esteem and healing low self-worth requires consistent effort and specific strategies. Here are several ways to boost self-esteem and establish strong psychological foundations ^[2]:

• Recognize and Prepare for Triggers: Certain situations can significantly impact self-esteem, including crises at home or work, personal relationship challenges, and major life changes like job loss. Identifying these potential challenges to self-esteem is the first step in facing them. Next, one can practice self-compassion, set realistic goals, and actively seek support to create resilience and a positive self-image.
• Increase Self-Awareness: To build self-esteem, it’s important for one to recognize and evaluate their own thoughts and beliefs, distinguishing between rational and irrational self-talk. What’s more, it’s key to treating oneself with the same kindness one would offer a friend.
• Challenge Negative Thinking: One can benefit from questioning whether their perspectives align with factual evidence and considering alternative explanations for situations. Common thought patterns that undermine self-esteem include all-or-nothing thinking, mental filtering (focusing exclusively on negatives while ignoring positives), converting positives into negatives, jumping to negative conclusions, mistaking feelings for facts, and engaging in negative self-talk. Recognizing these patterns often provides a clearer, more balanced perspective on situations and encourages a healthier self-image.
• Adjust Negative Beliefs: Replacing negative or untrue thoughts with positive, accurate alternatives supports improved self-perception. Hopeful statements lead to kindness and encouragement, while avoiding “should” and “must” statements reduces self-imposed pressure. Focusing on the positive aspects of life, reflecting on lessons learned from experiences, and relabeling upsetting thoughts as opportunities for growth all contribute to developing a healthier mindset and stronger sense of self-worth.

Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk

When it comes to tips for overcoming poor self-esteem, limiting negative self-talk is paramount. Characterized by criticism, doubt, and pessimistic perspectives, negative self-talk creates a distorted lens through which individuals view themselves and their experiences. In fact, research suggests that habitual negative self-talk significantly contributes to depression, anxiety, and diminished life satisfaction ^[3]. 

Identifying destructive thought patterns is the first step toward change. Common patterns include catastrophizing (assuming the worst possible outcome), personalizing (blaming oneself for everything), filtering (focusing exclusively on negatives while ignoring positives), and all-or-nothing thinking (viewing situations in absolute terms) ^[4]. Individuals can begin challenging internal criticism by questioning the evidence supporting negative thoughts and considering alternative interpretations of events.

Daily affirmations, when used appropriately, can further counter negative self-talk. Rather than generic positive statements, effective affirmations acknowledge current challenges while emphasizing personal strengths and capabilities. For instance, replacing “I always mess everything up” with “I’m learning and improving” creates a more realistic yet encouraging internal narrative ^[5]. 

Changing deeply ingrained thought patterns requires patience and persistence. However, with regular practice, more balanced self-talk gradually becomes automatic, contributing significantly to improved self-esteem and emotional well-being.

Developing Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to stress and adversity while maintaining psychological well-being. As such, it’s an essential foundation for maintaining healthy self-esteem through life’s inevitable challenges. Emotional resilience allows individuals to bounce back from difficult experiences without suffering severe damage to their self-worth.

Consider the following tactics to build emotional resilience ^[6]: 

• Create Connections: During tough times, supportive relationships can alleviate feelings of isolation. Prioritizing genuine interactions, whether through regular outings with loved ones or joining community groups, encourages a sense of belonging and purpose, ultimately enhancing well-being.
• Focus on a Purpose: Helping others facilitates meaningful connections and a sense of empowerment, and having a clear purpose based in service to others can provide direction and reinforce a sense of value. Bottom line: Helping others can strengthen one’s sense of self.
• Strengthen Well-Being: Prioritizing self-care through proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, hydration, and regular exercise helps the body manage stress and mitigate anxiety or depression. Additionally, practicing mindfulness through journaling, yoga, or meditation can create hope and positive connections. 
• Opt for Optimism: Embracing healthy thoughts involves maintaining perspective and recognizing irrational thinking patterns, such as catastrophizing (assuming the worst possible outcome). So cultivating a hopeful outlook allows for positive expectations, while reflecting on past experiences can provide insights and strengths to navigate current challenges more effectively.

Improving Self-Esteem in Children

One of the best ways to ensure that adults have healthy self-esteem is to nurture a positive self-worth during childhood. After all, childhood represents a critical period for self-esteem development, with early experiences significantly influencing lifelong self-perception patterns. 

Providing specific, genuine praise focused on effort rather than innate traits helps children develop authentic self-esteem. For example, statements like “I noticed how hard you worked on that math problem” are more beneficial than generic praise like “You’re so smart!” This approach teaches children that their value comes from their choices and actions rather than fixed qualities they can’t control ^[7]. Along these same lines, building self-esteem with love and affection, as opposed to tying them solely to achievements, also encourages self-worth in children. 

Teaching positive self-talk represents another powerful tool for children’s self-esteem development. One way to help children recognize and challenge negative thoughts is by modeling this process openly. Adults can demonstrate healthy responses to setbacks by verbalizing thoughts like “This is hard, but I’m learning what doesn’t work” rather than “I’m terrible at this” ^[8]. 

Additionally, encouraging children to take on challenges creates opportunities for growth and resilience development. When adults support children without rescuing them from their problems, children learn they can overcome obstacles. Each success builds confidence, while managed failures teach children that mistakes don’t define their worth.

Professional Help for Low Self-Esteem

For those struggling with persistent self-esteem issues, seeking professional support can be transformative. Therapy and counseling, particularly approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), help challenge negative core beliefs and encourage healthier thought patterns. Other methods, such as acceptance and commitment therapy or compassion-focused therapy, tailor strategies to individual needs and address deeper aspects of self-esteem development.

Support groups also offer meaningful connections, reducing isolation while encouraging personal growth through shared experiences. These groups, often hosted by community centers or mental health organizations, provide practical strategies and emotional encouragement for building self-esteem. Similarly, online communities (e.g., moderated forums or virtual support groups) can supplement professional help by offering accessible, ongoing connections, especially for those with limited local resources or mobility challenges.

Additional resources like professional networking groups and personal development workshops can target specific areas impacting self-esteem. Programs focused on career growth, communication skills, or assertiveness training provide practical tools that enhance both confidence and self-perception.

Finding the right professional support is key to success. Providers specializing in self-esteem should approach treatment with cultural sensitivity and an understanding of individual differences. With the right guidance and resources, even longstanding self-esteem challenges can improve significantly, helping individuals achieve greater confidence and fulfillment.

Practice, Not Perfection

Building and maintaining healthy self-esteem represents a lifelong journey rather than a destination. This process requires consistent effort, self-awareness, and willingness to challenge ingrained patterns of thinking. By understanding the components of healthy self-regard, recognizing warning signs of diminishing self-worth, and implementing evidence-based strategies for improvement, one can develop resilient self-esteem that supports overall well-being.

The path toward authentic self-worth inevitably includes challenges and setbacks. However, with persistence and sometimes professional guidance, people can transform their relationship with themselves and find greater acceptance, appreciation, and confidence. This internal foundation creates ripple effects throughout all aspects of life, enhancing relationships, career satisfaction, and the capacity to navigate life’s complexities with strength and grace.